Hair is my Happy Place

I'm going to veer towards a happier post today. Try not to focus on those negatives.

Dario and I went for a walk at Queen Elizabeth Park early this afternoon. There were some really pretty spots that could work for wedding photos so of course I spent time focusing on that while Dario wandered and more so picked out pictures for the moment. It was a nice break though. I got chased by a mob of ducks, seagulls, and pigeons after feeding them some sunflower seeds. It was pretty funny. Dario looked up and I was walking towards him with a billion pissed off hungry birds RUNNING after me. I hadn't noticed till then and I looked back and saw them running. We later saw a sign that says not to feed the birds there... so that's probably why they were loving the food so much!

We went to Brentwood after that so I could go look at the puppies and the kitten they have there right now. It always makes me so much happier to be around cute things that love everybody. I also made sure I pointed out a few dresses that I liked that Dario didn't care at all for. Not so much "didn't care for them" but more so a "I don't give a shit about any dresses" in general. Clearly men are not excited by cute or pretty dresses.

After a quick stop at A&W to fatten ourselves up we picked up what we needed to get and left. We went back to his place so I could show him some wedding cakes that my cousin sent me and some that I liked. In fact I will post pictures of those so you guys can let me know which ones you like best. I'm torn on all of them.

Fave of this picture is the square 4 tier with the pink flowers... and the bottom left hand corner as well.

(I like the pattern on this one but not ALL the butterflies, it'd be cuter with less of them I think. Dario hates this cake.)

They're all pretty really. My cousin is making the cake so she's pretty excited. We figure we'll do a little bit of cake but mostly styrofoam so that she can have fun with it. She loves decorating stuff and is amazing at it (I've posted pictures of that one wedding cake she's done before) so I'm game for whatever she wants to do really. If she wants 4 tiers she can have her 4 tiers.

In other news I want to dye my hair back to blonde again. I've picked out three colours to choose from for now.

I really like the golden colour of Kate Hudsons hair. It is beautiful and perfect, but I also really like ashy tones as well. The second picture is closest to my natural colour but it can look very plain if not done properly so I might avoid getting that one. The third picture I really like as well so I'm torn for sure between the 1st and 3rd.

I always resort back to that third picture somehow. It always finds me and I always fall in love with it. Possibly because I have an obsession with short wavy blonde bobs. I donno. I'm pretty sure I've done all three of those colours at some point so it's whatevs. But last summers blonde was the Kate Hudson blonde and I did really love that colour. If I bleach my hair out now too it'll more than likely turn out golden colour since I have a red tinted brown in my hair right now and it's very possible it will show through. We'll see how it all goes. It's been 2 full months since I've dyed it and the last colour was a demi-permanent so that has washed out of the roots I had before that colour... so now I've got about 2 inches of grossy hair.

I just need to try to grow my hair out. I'm not sure what I want to do with it for the wedding but probs an updo so there's less fuss with it. I know a lot of people are gonna be like 'oo what'll she do what'll she do' but it's going to be very simple. That much I know for sure. Bridal hair is just, it's a classic thing really. There's just certain styles that are timeless and I'll probably choose one of those styles just so when I look at the pictures 20 years down the road I'm not like 'oh my god that is disgusting what was I thinking.' I'm also going to be blonde for the wedding so I'm closest to my natural colour. I really hate it when brides change everything about themselves and in the end it doesn't even look like them. I want to look like me, just a little bit prettier.

I suppose I should go to bed. I have to get up relatively early for church tomorrow. I was going to do some laundry before I left, but I think I'll just wait till after church.

Tonight I took a good long drive. I started at Canada Way/Royal Oak... went back towards gaglardi way... exited onto highway 1 and drove out to the taylor way exit in west van... crossed the lions gate bride into the downtown region... crossed cambie street bridge, got onto west broadway and drove all the way back to burnaby via lougheed and came home.

My thing when I'm upset or stressed out or pissed off or whatever, is that I like to drive and re-play the same song a ridiculous amount of times until I've played it out and feel well enough to change it.

Just as I was getting into my car to leave Dario's house my boss called me to tell me that all the guys were thinkin about me and were hoping everything would get better. He caught me at a shitty time because I had just started to really cry and once I start there's no turning back, especially if I'm being talked to about what's going on. I apologized for missing so much work, told him I wouldn't be going to Fort so I would be back to work on Monday. He told me not to apologize and that everything would be alright, to do whatever it is I need to do and they'll see me when they see me. It's really nice of him but I still plan on going back to work on Monday. Sometimes the best thing you can do is try to get your mind off of things and I'm hoping that maybe I can find a way to do that. Either way it was really nice to know that everyone was worried about what's going on since they know it's been a rough couple of weeks already. I don't know what will happen yet. My little brother didn't want to talk to anyone today, maybe tomorrow or the next day he'll be okay to come on the phone so I can tell him I love him. For now passed along messages will have to do. I don't know what's going on yet, I haven't talked to anyone since this afternoon and I don't know if they took his dad off life support later today or what their plan was yet... so it's still a waiting game. I don't want to phone my family and bug them cause I know whatever happens my parents will be busy with Josh since he's going to need them right now so I'll wait until I feel it's a better time to call. I still don't know what I should do in terms of going there. I want to, but my parents don't want me to spend a bunch of money and miss a bunch of work since it will only cause me more stress in the end.. but sometimes there's things in life that are more important than money and to me this is one of those times. I will leave it up to Josh. I'll let him know that if he needs me there I can be there.

I'm glad I went for a drive. I wanted to go for a walk earlier tonight but decided Dario and I would do that tomorrow instead. I stayed for a bit and talked with Dario about things for a little while, but his family was there and I felt a little uncomfortable I guess with being like this in front of them so I decided I would leave. I was just going to go home but then I started driving and wasn't ready to stop by the time I neared my house.

I don't have a map in my car anymore so I thought I would try to stick to an easy route. However I wasn't ready to turn when I saw any familiar turns so I just kept going straight. I noticed the lights from the bridge and decided thats where I was headed since I haven't been across it before. (I've lived here how long now?) So I navigated my way there and hoped I was right. It's nice when you're driving somewhere you're a little less familiar with because you stop worrying about whatevers on your mind and start paying attention to your surroundings a little more. I guess it's my therapy or something.

I'm absolutely horrible at dealing with stress. I just lose all composure after awhile. I'm a very sensitive person when it comes to the people I love and when anything happens to them I take it very hard. I don't know if it's a girl thing or if I'm just too sensitive or what, but it's just a part of who I've always been and it's not something I will ever lose. It's almost as if I have too much compassion or something. I just hate that feeling of being hurt and I would do anything to keep anyone I love from feeling that way. I don't know why I'm like that, and I know it's not the healthiest thing or most beneficial thing for ones self, but I just don't know any other way to change that.

Oh well. I'm going to try to get back to this "one day at a time" thing and really try to stick to it. Remind myself that I just have to deal with it, and maybe take frequent walks to try to clear my head when it starts to be too much. I hope this is the last of it. Maybe March will be better.

I'm just going to come out and say it.

Today = sucks.
Yesterday = sucks.
The day before yesterday = sucks.
The last couple weeks = sucks.

And now tomorrow = sucks.
And for a long time to come = sucks.

I = sick of it.

Our family was just told yesterday that my little brothers dad (who fucked off at least 8 years ago and hasn't seen his son since) is brain dead in the hospital. Tomorrow they are taking him off life support. I guess he accidently overdosed on some medication he was taking for his sore shoulder.

My little brother is extremely upset. My parents just told him tonight. They weren't going to tell him until after they "pulled the plug" but decided that they would let Josh know incase he wanted to see his dad before he dies. I don't know if Josh will want to or not but he has tomorrow morning to make up his mind I guess.

I don't think life could be more depressing and annoying as it has these past couple of weeks. I want to be there for my little brother because regardless of his father abandoning him this is still going to be very hard on him. I'm sure he's had his hopes and wonders of whether or not his dad would ever come around again... it's gonna be hard on him knowing that it's definitely not going to happen now. I hope it at least allows him to have some closure with everything.

I wish I was at home right now.

When it rains it fucking pours. I hope this shit's going to come to an end soon. I'm so fucking tired of the crap piling up. It's been one thing after another.

I feel horrible for my little brother. I think in some ways this could be a blessing in disguise because he can finally stop wondering where his dad is and what he's doing... but at the same time, now he's never going to forget how he never got a chance to even clear anything up with his dad or talk to him about any of the stuff he's been going through. It sucks. It really really sucks.

I just hope Josh will be okay.

I think that's enough bullshit for now. I've had about all I can handle of this. Just... enough.

The Chili Chili Lovers Love

2009 seems to be dishing out it's fair share of bullshit. I gotta say this crap run better end soon cause if the whole year ends up being like this I think I might just possibly go insane.

It's one thing after another. I cannot wait for it to end.

Today I was at home yet again. I went to see a chiropractor. Apparently my back is quite screwed up. I have a very large lump on my spine from tearing a ton of ligaments and muscles on the right side of my spine when I was in that accident 2 years ago.

I explained to him that every day I come home with a sore back. I knew my back was in rough shape but I felt like maybe I was just lifting too much at work but alas that is not the case. He explained to me that where your upper back meets your lower back, there is a transition in your spine. The shape of your vertibrae change and it is a main focal point of movement in your spine. My problem is where that particular spot is, when I was in that accident, my butt and legs stayed facing forward, and my spine bent directly to the left side of my body at that exact point where the vertibrae change shape. I remember actually feeling a crunch in my back. I missed a week of work because I could hardly move, went in on spark watch for a week (wasn't supposed to work that week at all either) and was on light duty for quite a long time after that. I guess I bent my spine so far to the left and with such a huge force that it tore all the ligaments and muscles on the right side of my spine in about a 5-6 vertibrae range.

I explained that I always have a sore lower to mid back, and my lower back pain usually radiates to the left and right side of my back... the right side is usually worse. I told him that the muscles just feel really tight and that I often find myself bending down to touch my toes to try to stretch them out. When he finally did the exam he noted that I have a slightly more curved spine but nothing major... but at the transition point I have a big lump which is all scar tissue and muscles and stuff. It was really weird because when he started to bend me certain ways I could actually feel the pains radiating from that particular spot. So he poked and prodded for a bit then put me in a really weird position and basically laid horizontally across me to put all his body weight in that spot to crack that area. It was really weird. I've never been to a chiropractor before but I definitely learned a lot. What I found strange is whenever I stand for a longer period of time (which in my world is about half an hour in the same spot) or if I sit in the same position for more than half an hour, my back starts to really bug me. But I guess it's because all of my body's weight in those positions puts pressure on that exact spot of injury. It was interesting to hear about.

My back is a little sore now, it's the same kind of sore that I come home from work with or wake up with, in the same spot so I know he found the spot that was bugging me. He figures after a few appointments and some proper stretching exercises that I'll notice a huge change in how poopy my back feels all the time. So I like that concept. However he doesn't figure my shitty back has anything to do with my cramps. But endometriosis can also cause lower back pain so if the pain continues after my injured spot is fixed, then I know it's a symptom of something else not the car accident.

Either way it felt good after I was done.

I made chili for dinner tonight. It's finally ready to eat so I'm going to have some before bed. I got a late start on it and since we were planning on stopping by to see Danielle I figured I'd just put it in the crockpot and eat when I got back home. Good old chili. It is quite possibly one of my favourite things to eat.

Another Day Down The Shitter

Today I'm in pain again. That would make for another day missed.

Work definitely has a lot to do with the extent of everything, so finding a new job may be something I'm going to have to think about. I hate to admit defeat but I felt a lot better when I wasn't working, and it's getting progressively worse again. Clearly there are things I do at work that just aggrivate whatever's going on and there's no such thing as light duty there. At some point or another you'll do at least a few things that involve heavy lifting of some sort.

I go back to the specialist for my "follow up" on March 26th... so a month. I'm hoping the pill will start working better to get through the next month, and then the doctor and I can start making a plan to get surgery. I don't really know what to do at this point but it's really frustrating. The surgery will confirm endometriosis, but also if they do find it, they will burn it off so it'll help relieve most if not all of the pain. They say it's about a week to two weeks of healing time (2 max for the slow healers) but if I'm continuing with this job I don't know how long it will take before I'll be back to my regular duties.

I just don't really know what to do at this point. I'm going to the lab in a bit here to get some blood tests run so the results will be back to my doctor in time for my next appointment. It's basically a test for a type of clotting disorder. The lesser of the two issues at hand I suppose. I could have two disorders or just one, so this test will help confirm that. Whoopy.

It's just getting really difficult to take so much time off from work when I know that my bosses don't exactly understand the extent of what's going on, or the seriousness of it.

I don't think it helps that given Jons condition I've become more aware of the harmful things I am around on a daily basis that puts my body at risk for similar diseases. Yesterday afternoon I had to help paint a conveyor... I wore my respirator but after the job was done and I took my respirator off I had two very dark green marks around my nostrils from where the paint was getting in my mask and being sucked into my nose. The point of a respirator is to avoid that from happening, but of course nothing is 100%. Again it makes me think back to every other time that's happened and the warning labels on the cans of paint. The chemicals in the paint and cleaners we use are very carcinogenic and stay in your body. It doesn't get filtered out and sticks inside your lungs and you cough it up over time, but there's still some that stays in there. Along with it being cancer causing it can also cause infertility. That is a huge concern as I want to have children one day. I've got enough problems that could interfere with that happening and I don't want to keep exposing myself to something like that.

Anyways... it's time to go to the doctors.

I'm so ronery, ronery... so ronery and sadry arone

My poor florist is probably going to go insane soon. I finally wrote down a list of what I'm going to need for flowers tonight...

Wanna know how ridiculous it is? Yeah. I need 1 bridal bouquet, 3 bridesmaid bouquets, 10 bouteniere's (groom, groomsmen, fathers, brothers, and MC,) 6 corsages (mother's and sisters,) 2 alter bouquets/assembly things, 1 tossing bouquet, and 30 centerpieces.

Rid-onk-u-lus.

I guess it's a good thing I wrote it all down. I don't know if the sisters/brothers will want to wear corsages and bouteniere's, for now I have them written down and I will ask them when I can to see if they want to or not. Then I'll get my final number from there... I don't have my stepdad included in there because well... he's the kind of guy you're lucky to get in a pair of dresspants and a nice shirt... I highly doubt you'll be able to get him into a suit. No lapel no bouteniere. That's my rule!

I started looking online for DJ's. I don't even know where to begin. How do you even know who's good and who's not? Gahd. Ah well. I'll look around for now and start getting quotes and see what I can find. I don't know what a good price is for a DJ but it scares me cause it'll probably be much more than I expect or feel is necessary since their job involves setting up some things and using a computer to change songs.

I'm a huge mind-changer when it comes to details like this sorta stuff. I'm trying to make up my mind now and then just leave that behind and move on to whats next. That way I don't have time to go back and change anything. With flowers alone I've already changed my mind 2 or 3 times on what I'm going to use. First I said no roses and now I'm going to have a few. (Just a few I promise.) ... none of the flowers are the same anymore as what I originally had in mind. But that's okay I like the new ideas better. Hopefully it's possible to do and stay on budget.

Invitations I'm still trying to figure out. I've got the wording figured out now. Now I might change the size a little bit and attach them differently. I really like what I've got going on right now, but Dario doesn't and it's quite costly to do it that way. So I'm going to figure out something else. I have an idea that I think will work well so now I'll get back on that again.

Our landlord fixed our toilet finally. The seal wasn't on properly so everytime you flushed it it would leak a little bit. Now we OFFICIALLY have a toilet that works the way it is supposed to. Apparently that is a hard task to complete around here but I'm glad it's finally done.

I have a shitty sunburn on my left cheek and left side of my neck. AKA my fancy welding burn. I forgot how much those stupid things sting. You touch it and you immediately regret your decision to do so. You can't even wash your face cause you feel like you're scrubbing off 8 layers of your skin. It's a really odd feeling. Along with that it makes your skin feel like leather, and it kind of wrinkles it a little. It's really weird. The only good thing is usually when I get these burns on my face or neck they don't peel, only when you get them on your arms it seems. So here's to hoping! If only it actually left a tan... I wouldn't even need the sun!

Aside from all that, not much is new. Jon is feeling a lot better and actually got to leave the hospital for a bit today. He didn't need his IV and went out to granville island for a big greasy burger haha. So I am very happy to hear that. He'll feel good for the next week and a few days then he'll be back to feeling crappy for his 2nd round of chemo. But at least he felt better shortly after and it only works out to be about 8 days of complete hell instead of all 21. After his next round he'll be allowed to leave the hospital to rest which is great. He hates the hospital, who wouldn't??

Danielle goes in for surgery tomorrow. I'm going to bring her something either while she's at the hospital or when she's at home... Depending on how she's feeling after the surgery. My friend had that same surgery done and I know she wasn't too into talking cause your throat hurts so bad afterwards... and she was really tired and still kinda sick feeling from all the anesthetic and morphine and stuff... so I'll be sure to ask Chad if she's up for Dario and I stopping by or not. I'm going to bring her something cute and soft. I fully expect to see her staples after the bandage comes off too. As much as it grosses me out it also fascinates me to see stuff like that. I'm weird I know, but I'll put money on it that Danielle's gonna love grossing people out with it!

It's off to bed for me cause tomorrow's going to be another very busy day. I'm going to phone the doctor tomorrow and book an appointment to go back and see her. It's looking like surgery may be my best option right now so I'll go see her in a couple months and discuss that with them. We'll see how it goes! Bed time!

I am so hungry, and so lazy at the same time that I have no idea what to make for dinner.

Not impressed.

I wish for once I could come home from work and dinner would be waiting for me.

I suppose I should get on making SOMETHING. Perhaps some pasta... quick and easy.

I need to go to safeway to get some lunch meat at some point too. Gaaaaahd.

I don't feel like moving.

I screwed my back up this morning, it made for a poopy day. I also equaled bitchy today so that also made for a poopy day.

I bought stuff for centerpieces already. I don't feel it's too soon to do so.

I'm planning this damn wedding as if we're getting married in November, so that when I go to school there isn't a shitload of stuff to plan when I have no time to do it.

I have a weird craving for cauliflower and cheesesauce, but no intention of making it at all.

Time to go see what I can whip up out of the lack of groceries I seem to have. I hate not having time to make dinners, I enjoy my 6 to 2:30 days. This 6 to 4:30 business puts a real damper in my living!

Can't wait for the biggest loser tomorrow night. I am very VERY sadly addicted.

I am not creative enough to think of blog titles. So I'm not going to force it!

t3's make me feel so sick.

Happy Birthday Jon

It's Jon's birthday today. He's spending today with his family and hopefully getting some good food. He didn't throw up yesterday for the first time in awhile so he's starting to feel a little better.

I picked Ellie up at the hospital last night and visited with Jon for a few minutes then we headed off downtown to the rock shop. She found him a few t-shirts and a hoodie, along with a Doors flag for his ugly curtains. I picked him up a belt and am still looking for an incense burner for him, they didn't have any cool ones at there surprisingly. We could have spent some time looking around the stores on granville but unfortunately I was retarded and forgot to pay for parking. I never drive downtown (yesterday was my first time ever driving downtown) so I'm not used to this pay parking bullshit everywhere you go! Luckily I never got a ticket or anything.

After we finished that we went back to the hospital and I asked if she wanted me just to drop her off but she said she'd like it if I came up to visit for awhile. So I went up to visit for a little bit and as we were sitting there bullshitting about the red bag Jons gramma bought Ellie (she tried to pawn it off on me haha) we heard a big crash in the hallway. So I leaned back a bit to look out the door and found Jons dad and Phil having wheelchair wars in the hall. One was in Jon's wheelchair and they had hunted down another to play around in. Jon wanted to get up so they gave him back his wheelchair and they went to find another one. When they got back we made Jon the judge while the rest of raced around the hospital in the wheelchairs. There was a loop you could do so each of us would go in seperate directions. Phil and I kinda crashed into eachother at one point because I'm a terrible wheelchair driver it turns out and the nurse wasn't too impressed. She was trying to get past us with someones IV but we were kind of in her way. We politely moved over so she could get past then continued on our way! Ellie got us busted though haha finally one of the nurses had had enough I suppose. And I'm sure it was for good reason, after all it was after 7pm in a cancer clinic full of patients who are either receiving chemo or have just finished a round of chemo, or are about to start a round of chemo. Meaning no one there feels good and is going to be exhausted all the time. Either way it was really fun to get out in the hall with Jon and make some laughs. He seemed to be entertained by it all.

He's back in his normal clothes so he can stop bare-assing the hospital. He says the nurses are probably more excited about that than he is hahaha. He's got a paddle up on his wall that someone gave him. I asked why it was up there and then noticed the sign underneath it that said "You might be up shitcreek but you're not without a paddle!" ... I thought that was really cute. There's lots of pictures and stuff up there too so it's really awesome to see everyone's support.

They've started a trust fund as well which I thought was a great idea, it'll help them afford GOOD food since the hospital food he's been getting isn't too awesome.

It was a really great night. I got to hang out with Ellie and talk to her for awhile about everything, see how she was doing and just talked more about what was going on and how everyone/everything was going, but also get her out of the hospital and away from all the family so she could enjoy doing some birthday shopping for Jon. So far no ones really had any one on one time with Jon, and everyone needs it, but no ones really willing to stay home or get away from the hospital for a few hours. Finally Ellie managed to get some time with him today, she finally spoke up and asked if she could. The whole family feels the same way. I think what they need to do at this point is agree that "okay today so-and-so can stay with Jon, while the rest of us go out for a few hours, then we can rotate until everyone's had their chance with him" kinda thing. Hopefully the stress won't get to everyone and cause them to be at eachothers throats.

Aside from that, it's really nice to see Jon starting to feel better after the chemo. He's gotta get his blood taken 3 times a day still, and all sorts of other crap. Is of course still on a lot of medications and anti-nausea stuff, but at least it's helping him feel a little more normal.

Anyways, I just wanted to wish him a happy birthday here as well. Even though he won't read this since he doesn't know the link!

I'm too lame for titles

Hurray for me I get to work at 5am tomorrow so that I can get off work at 2:30 like usual. Since it's Friday we're only working 9 hours instead of our usual 10. I was going to start at 4am so I could get off at 2:30 but I was told 5am would be fine to start at. Not so bad.

I wanted to get off early because tomorrow Ellie (Jon's girlfriend) and I are going to go downtown to do some shopping. She hasn't left the hospital much and wants to find a present for Jon for his birthday on Saturday. I am really looking forward to the trip. I'm going to pick her up at the hospital and of course say a quick hello to Jon, and whisk her away for some time away from things to help take a load off her shoulders for the time being. She is having a really hard time, as I know anyone would if their boyfriend/girlfriend was going through this... it is a lot to handle.

Saturday as mentioned, is Jon's birthday. I have to work and won't be able to take the day off unfortunately, but we're only working 8 hours (only.. pfft, still a full shift) so I will be off at 2:30. I'll probably head down to the hospital to wish him a happy birthday around dinner or so. Perhaps Ellie and I can find a near by dairy queen tomorrow and order up a sweet cake for him too! If the family hasn't done so already. :)

I'm glad to say that Jon is doing alright for now. His first round of chemo is over and he is officially back at the cancer clinic. He has had to switch back and forth between the VGH ICU ward and the cancer clinic in order to be able start his chemo when he did. Finally he can get comfortable and set up his room the way he wants to. He had a rough time with the chemo. The only thing he's been able to stomach is icecream mainly. He has had two seizures now, (they are a common side effect of brain surgeries) and unfortunately during his second seizure he dislocated his shoulder. They upped his anti-seizure medications so hopefully those will be under control now. He's having quite the difficulties. Even with all that's going on he's still in decent spirits. The doctors say he will probably start losing his hair in about two weeks.

I've been talking to a friend I used to work with in FSJ. He had testicular cancer when he was 25 and beat it. He's in his 30's now. I don't know how to describe the comfort it brings me when I'm able to talk to him about it. Knowing that he's been through much of the same treatments just gives me so much hope and helps me understand more of what's happening in Jon's body right now. He talked to me about the chemo treatments and what they do and what they're like. It sounds morbid but sometimes when you know the details of whats going on and you have a better understanding of it, it helps you grasp the concept of everything a little better. I guess what is really nice to know is that he said to me "If I can even help one person get through what I once went through, be it someone experiencing cancer themself, or a family member or friend of the person with cancer... it makes everything that happened to me worth it."

I found it very admirable.

All in all, I'm very excited to get to see Jon again. It's been a week tomorrow since I've been able to see him.

My roommate right now is horribly sick (as in puking every 15 minutes kind of sick) so I've kind of shut myself away from her. It sounds mean but I can't afford to be sick right now... not only for work's sake, but for the obvious reason that I cannot get Jon sick when I visit him since he barely has an immune system right now.

Yop is really worried about Krystal cause she can't keep anything down if she tries and is puking even when she's got nothing to throw up anymore. I've been trying to convince her to just try to take some gravol and try to keep it in for as long as possible to try to take off that pukey edge. So far it's not helping but maybe soon it'll get better. She's managed to get two half pills down and threw up about 20ish minutes later, so hopefully some of that has absorbed into her blood stream so she can stop hurling and get some sleep.

But since I have to get up at 4am I'm going to go to sleep. Oddly though, I feel like I should eat a pizza pop before bed. Hmm.

You bought me an expensive bloody knuckles winning tool

Oh le sigh. I had made a rough draft for a wedding invitation... but Teresa and I both agreed that we don't like the brads showing through on the back side of the invitation. So now I have to think of my options to cover that up, except it will probably involve buying another piece of paper which almost defeats the purpose of having made the invitations this way because it was a way to cut costs dammit.

Oh well.

Dario's parents are expecting again... this was the joke his mom tried to lay on us. Dario was rather disturbed haha. I found it quite funny. Apparently their plant has a new leaf or something like that I don't know. That family is crazy somedays.

I wanted to be at work for 11 or 11:30 at the latest since that is when lunch break is over, so that I could at least put in 5 hours today. Unfortunately due to the doctors office being a gong show I ended up getting there at 12. I got to the doctors at 9:45. I waited for an hour and 15 minutes before seeing someone which ended up being a 2 second appointment. I don't know why I couldn't have gotten this doctor when I was worried about all my female problems. I just went to the walk in clinic today since I was just looking to get a prescription for some kind ANY KIND of frickin pain killers. I remember seeing this doctor around when I went for a pap test and was like "please get the british woman please get the british woman." Nope. I got the asian woman, who was cruel and enjoyed torturing people.

Anyways... this woman was nice. She apologized for the wait, I wasn't buyin it. They don't care. The place wasn't even THAT busy when I got there, there was like 5 people ahead of me. THATS IT. How does THAT take an hour and 15 minutes when there's 2 doctors for sure and one pediatrician? I don't get it.

I was rather cranky because I was in pain and wanted to get to work and was going to be later than I expected. I didn't want to piss my boss off so needless to say, I = not a happy camper. I rushed through everything quickly just to get it over and done with. The conversation basically went like this:

Me: " I have extreme menstrual pain all the time, I'm in the process of figuring out what's going on. My gynocologist that I've started seeing is suspecting endometriosis... I just need something to help with the pain because nothing I am trying is helping. I've tried naproxen, midol, advil, advil extra strength, any other type of on the shelf ibuprofen, tylenols etc, and none of them help enough to get me through work, I need something a little bit stronger so I can go to work. I'm missing too much time, and hopefully you know of something that doesn't make me too drowsy."

I got the typical response. "Have you tried the pill yet?" ... sigh.

Me: "Yes I'm on seasonal."

Doctor: "Oh well you're not supposed to get your period on that one for at least 3 months."

Me: "Yes I know but it's only my first month and I suspect that maybe I didn't start it early enough after my period in order to work at it's full potential, I am hoping it will get better, but this is the 5th pill I've been put on and the past 4 have not worked, so it's a waiting game."

Doctor: "Ooo... yes well it definitely sounds like you have endometriosis. You should go for a laproscopy if this pain continues."

Me: "Yeah I am trying this pill out for the next two months and if it doesn't help with the pain then I will be going for a laproscopy."

Her: "I use naproxen for my pain and it helps a great deal. But if it isn't working well enough for you then I can prescribe you some tylenol 3's to try to help with the pain. They should work they're quite strong." *writes prescription*

I won't lie that I was a little cranky when I was explaining things. I guess after saying it over and over to doctors a million times you just start to lose patience.

So I get the prescription and go to the pharmacy to get it filled. I wandered around for awhile and found some new face cleaner stuff and started thinking about t3's. I have been on them once before when I had my wisdom teeth taken out and from what I remember, they didn't do to me what they do to most people. Everyone I know always says that t3's screw them right up. For me, they have little to no effect on me at all. They helped with the gum pain at the time, but they never made me drowsy or dizzy or anything like that. So no big deal.

I took one when I got to work and again, it had no effect. It did help get rid of some of the pain, but there's still hardly an effect at all. I don't get it. These things are supposed to be miracle workers and still no juice. Talk about a pain in the ass. Oh well, at least they help a little bit so it's more bearable AND they don't make me drowsy. That's a good start.

Hopefully with the help of those it'll be enough to be able to suck it up through the day to get in a full day of work at least! That would be nice. I did a full week last week, hurray.. sad isn't it? Yep. This week, not starting off on the right foot, but we'll see how things go!

I found some dresses for Megan's wedding on Sunday. I saw them at RW&Co. about two weeks ago and they were marked down from 88 to 49.95... not a bad price. I went back Sunday to go get some pictures of them and try them on to see if they even looked good on so I could send them to Megan... and when I got there they had been marked down AGAIN to 29.95... 30 Bucks, how can you go wrong? I tried one on, it's cute. It's a little formal for what she had in mind, but assuming she likes them we will hem them a little shorter (they're a bit of an awkward length) and change the colour of the sash. The dress is chocolate brown and kinda lacey. Strapless but you can add straps (it comes with them.) It has a little bowtie like thing at the top, then a sash around the waist. Hard to explain. So I bought 3 dresses, one in my size, and 2 other sizes to send to Megan to have her MOH try them on. She'll get them probably tomorrow or friday at the latest. I have 30 days to return them for a full refund if she doesn't like them so I thought I might as well send them to her so she can actually see them in person AND have her MOH try them on. Hopefully she will like them, I think they have great potential and like I said, 30 bucks? Where do you ever find a dress for 30 dollars?!

I'm going to go to bed I think. I'm damn sleepy now.

I am going to the doctors this morning to see if there's an anti inflammatory they can prescribe me that works better than the other crap I'm taking. After that I'm going to go back to work for the afternoon.

I made an invitation last night for the wedding however I didn't think to make mine and Dario's names bigger or bolder so I have to redo it but that's okay. It's pretty simple but it'll do the trick!

I'm off to get ready for the doctors now and then off to work. Luckily we're working till 4:30 so I can put in about 5 hours still. It's a pain in my ass but the cramps are getting bad again. Talk about convenient.

Congratulations go to:

A very upbeat message...

My cousin Riane and her boyfriend Steven are now engaged!! I am SO excited for her. I don't even know the details yet but it makes me so happy. They've been dating for about 5 years now. They're pretty much a match made in heaven and it's extremely exciting to see someone else in our family get married!!

Congrats Riane and Steven! <3

Even if I had no hope, it wouldn't make this any easier. Jons sister and Ellie started a group to keep everyone updated with Jons progress. This was the first report.


Recently, Jon discovered a lump on his right testicle. He had an ultrasound on it February 8th and was waiting to hear the results. On Tuesday, February 10, Jon woke up with an unbearable headache. We took him into the emergency room in Vanderhoof at 9:00 am and by 12:00 he was on his way by ambulance to the hospital in Prince George. They took a CT scan of his head and it was revealed that he had testicular cancer and that it had spread to his brain. He had four brain tumors in total, but the largest one (the one that was causing the headache) needed to be removed immediately. He was flown down to Vancouver General Hospital on Tuesday night and had the tumor removed Wednesday afternoon. On Thursday night Jon had another CT scan which showed that the three remaining tumors had grown within the few days he had been here. His doctors decided to start him on chemotherapy right away, and on Friday evening, Jon started his first round.

The first round of chemotherapy lasts for five days. It is a very heavy-duty and exhausting treatment so right now Jon is concentrating on getting rest. At the moment, Jon is not up to visitors. The nurses advised us that the chemo is now affecting his bone marrow. As such, Jon's visitors are being restricted. We will do our best to answer any questions you may have on the group page.


I don't know what to do. I don't know what to say. I don't know how to deal with it. I knew the situation, I knew most of the details. But I didn't know the extent of the brain tumours. I didn't know there were 4. I didn't ask many details because I didn't want to upset anyone or pry open anyones emotions. But this is just, I can't handle it.

Weekend blues and Sunday Morning Snooze

Today will be better than Friday and Saturday.

Dario is hiking this morning. I have skipped church so that I could sleep in as this will be my only day off for the next 4 weeks. I have decided to use my time wisely today.

I don't have much laundry to do, so I am going to put it off for now. I'm going to head to metrotown to look for dresses for my friend Megan, and I would like to go see Jon again today. Lloyds trip to Vancouver was canceled so I no longer have that plan in motion. But it will be nice to have time to do some other things.

I had a really hard time seeing Jon on Friday but we were both in good spirits and were able to joke and laugh. Given the condition he is in I think it is amazing that he's able to still have a light heart. I was okay when I left the hospital but by the time I got home it really started to hit me of what was happening. In particular watching the nurse come in and change his chemo drug to the next one and seeing it drip away into his IV knowing full well that it is poisoning his cancers. It breaks my heart to know that he's gotta go through this.

I've been at a loss for words and there's a million things running through my mind that I want to tell him. But at the same time I don't want to say something that might upset him. I was reading some of his old e-mails, there were so many good ones, but there was one direct, straight to the point e-mail he once wrote me that I think sums up what I need him to hear from me.

It says this:

"Hey Marlee,
I know that you are going through a hard time. Believe me, I have been there. I just want to remind you that you are never alone because I am always here to support you. All you have to do is ask for my help and I will do all that I can. I love you buddy.
Jonathon David Larsen"

... It pretty much sums up the things that I need him to know. His family and girlfriend are here with him right now. He has some support. He was blown away when I walked in the hospital room. He had no idea how I found out so quickly. Word travels fast in small towns. Somehow the news managed to get from Vancouver to Vanderhoof, to Fort St. James, and back to Vancouver in less than 3 days. I always worried that if something ever happened to him that I wouldn't find out for a very long time since we don't have a lot of common friends between us, maybe one or two.

I've almost been acting as though he is dying or has died... but that isn't what I am thinking. I am hurting for him and what he is going through. Yesterday I cried a lot. I could hardly get out of bed and open my eyes yesterday morning since I cried so much the night before. I wanted to skip work but I dragged my ass in 15 minutes late. I cried the whole way to work and sucked it up when I went inside. I didn't talk to anyone for at least an hour or two and just kept to myself. Everyone could tell something was up cause that is obviously not how I typically am and a few of them asked what was going on. I talked to Simon about it, and I teared up when I told him. I promised myself I wouldn't cry in front of any of the guys at work just because it's a "I'm too tough" kind of front... but had I sat there for another minute with Simon I probably would have been complete water works. I managed to pull it together somehow. I was going to ask to leave at lunch but decided I would just try to make it through the day because I can't stop functioning in my own life when things turn to shit around me. I cried some more at lunch and then the guys were joking and laughing which lightened up my mood a little and at the end of the day I left.

Dario had planned on coming over. I was a horrible Valentines day girlfriend this year but that's alright I suppose since Valentine's day just isn't something important to me. I made a quick but tasty dinner and Dario picked up "Horton hears a who" to watch afterwards. He said I would like it and wasn't going to let me have a bad night. I started to fall asleep after dinner because I was exhausted and as he went to put on the movie I out of nowhere started to cry again. It really does just happen when you least expect it to. Finally we got the movie going so that I could get my mind on other things, and for the first time that day I was able to stop thinking about Jon for a few hours and just spend some good time with Dario. We talked a lot about the things we look forward to when we're married and just things we can do with the house decorating wise. What we want to do with our bank accounts etc. But it was nice to talk about those things, it makes me so happy to know that I get to spend the rest of my life with him so it was a very nice and easy way to help cheer me up.

I got a good nights sleep and feel rejuvinated today. My mind wanders of course but I know that the initial shock of everything is settling down and I can start to get back on track and be there for Jon. I just want him to know that I love him. I just can't believe how fast everything happened. In one week he started having headaches, was sent to Prince George, shipped immediately to Vancouver, found a brain tumour, found out he had cancer in his testicles and that was what spread to his brain, has had brain surgery already, and has started Chemo treatments. One week. It's unreal. His birthday is this month, on the 21st. He will be 23 years old. I hope that being so young will help him in the recovery process. He's a strong young guy so hopefully it gives him that upper hand to get through this better. The doctors say it's a 60-70 percent chance he can beat it. That's not overly high, but it's good for what he's got and I'm in high hopes that it's going to happen!

Sorry for the extremely depressing blog today. I'm feeling as though I need to get some of it out the best I can, get passed the "I can't believe this is happening" mode and get into "alright this is happening and what can I do to help" mode. My next blogs will be happier I promise.

I've shut myself away in my bedroom and don't really feel like coming out.

Today was a horrible day.

I've had friends pass away, I've had friends get surgeries, I've had family members diagnosed with cancers and heart problems and die. I've handled all of those things quite well. But this... it's the worst yet.

You hear about people getting cancer, and it's something that is a normality in today's world. My grandpa had cancer, and I was upset when he passed away of course. I cried because I was going to miss him, but I was also happy that finally he could stop suffering. He lived a good, decently long life, and it made it easy to let go when I knew he'd had a good run.

There's not as much sensitivity towards the C word anymore. There's numerous treatments out there for certain types that can be quite successful... but of course there's the cancers that everyone hears about and says "wow, he/she has got no chance." We've all said it. There's no denying that when someone gets brain cancer you say "fuck they're pretty much a goner."

You hurt for the person going through it, you support them, but you don't understand why they hold on so much. You don't understand why they have such high hopes for such a hopeless disease. No one understands unless they go through it with someone they are close with or has the disease themselves.

My ex's dad has brain cancer. And as much as I hurt for his family, I couldn't understand why Brett's mom is so full of hope that her husband will be okay. His cancer is bad. It's inoperable and in advanced stages. It would take a miracle to save him now... yet she still has hope. I couldn't understand it.

But I get it now though. I understand why there's so much faith and hope for the healing of those people... Because today I got the news that you too were sick. And I get it.

I get it because you are 22. I get it because I love you. I get it because we have spent many years talking and hanging out and it is just too soon to let anything like that hurt you. And I won't prepare for the worst. I'm going to see you through this and hope that when this is all over, you can say "ha, fuckin showed you cancer" just like we said tonight at the hospital.

And you will show it. You went through hell and back, drug phases and everything, and you came from rock bottom and turned your life around. And I sat there every day making sure you knew just how much you were loved in hopes that you wouldn't give up. You never gave up. You turned your life around so you could live it and I will NOT sit by and say "he's a goner" and have cancer consume you after all you've done just to enjoy your life in the first place.

"I won't let them get the best of me. This is the path I've made for me. You were my shield from the enemy. Always right there by my side. You were there for me. You were everything. When I felt like nothing, you still believed in me... you were there for me. Forever in debt of gratitude. Unconditional love and support. You paved the way. You gave me strength. Forget the past. Look back at me and I'll be there. Through years of discipline to never settle for second best.... the years of sacrifice... you were there for me. I've got to find a way to thank you marlee for everything you've done for me, the sacrifice you made for me. You gave me strength. Without you my life would not be the same."

You wrote that in an e-mail to me years ago. And I kept it because it was something that meant so much to me to know that finally, FINALLY you could start living your life. So I am going to write that down for you to read. To remind you through this whole journey you have ahead of you that just like all the rest of the shit that's happened, you will find a way to get through this too.

I love you Jon, and I'm gonna see you through this. It hurts like hell and it's scarier than anything I've ever known, but I know that you're gonna walk out of that hospital in a few months with a wicked sweet half shaved head and a huge scar. And eventually that hair will grow back and the scar is going to be the only thing you have left from this. I will pray every day until that happens.

Mirror mirror on the wall...

I can't believe this stupid bruise and how huge it is. It is so frickin ugly. And judging by this picture my mirror is dusty and needs to be cleaned!


I need to clean up this pit of a bedroom. My work clothes are friggen everywhere. Boxes all over the place (wedding boxes, printer boxes, work boot boxes, internet shit boxes) I don't even know why I have all of this stuff out but I really need to put it away. Tomorrow I will.

A friend of mine from Prince George just texted ... "Hey you I'm coming to your place of living early Sunday and kicking you out of bed."

Oh good old Lloyd. I have not seen him for a year and a half. I believe I will be working Sunday though so he won't be getting to wake me up! hah. Jokes on him.

Bedtime.

I has dinna for you massa

I am so tired today.

I made a quick casserole last night. It wasn't the best thing in the world but it would do for dinner last night, lunch/dinner today and lunch tomorrow. However I noticed Krystal ate some so now I'll have enough to eat for dinner tonight but will have to figure out something to make for my lunch tomorrow now since I don't have a lot of "lunchy foods" so that is kind of irritating. I will talk to her when she gets home about it. It's not a majorly big deal, but for the fact that I had it planned out so I didn't have to make anything tonight and could take it tomorrow then make dinner tomorrow night... it just sort of interfered. That and she didn't ask. Oh well. I used a can of her corn but in my defense she used a can of my tomatoes before so this was in return for that, and also I picked up whipcream and cherry pie filling for a cake she was making a week or two ago and she never paid me back for that either. So a can of corn is my payment haha.

I am working on Saturday, possibly Sunday as well so it's going to be a long few weeks. I haven't really done anything wedding oriented this week aside from Tuesday nights meeting with the priest to do some paperwork for the ceremony and get some info to set up our marriage prep courses. I should probably go through and find something to start organizing in the next week. I want to be done everything by November so that when I go to school and am working full time then I can focus mainly on that.

My mom DHL'd me a valentines day card with a pair of earrings today to my work. I was wondering what the hell it was because the girl from the front office came into the shop and said she had a package for me and would leave it in the lunchroom. My curiousity got the best of me because no one knows my work address except my mom and school. I figured it would be something to do with school but why would they ship it DHL? I forgot that my mom knew my work address because she sent my christmas presents last year to my work address so that I would for sure be there when they dropped it off. I guess she must have kept the address. Either way I couldn't handle the curiousity anymore so I went and checked it out. It was cute though. The guys of course were like "Where's my Valentines Day present from your mom?!" ... and then my boss actually asked me if she was married... and I was like 'pretty much... why? IS THIS ABOUT YOUR HOROSCOPE CAUSE THEY SAID YOU WOULD HAVE A VALENTINE THIS YEAR! FUCK OFF YOU ARE SOO NOT HITTING ON MY MOM!" and he just started laughing. He asked how old she was and I told him, and he goes "hmmm... 8 years older.. not bad, I've done 12!" HAHA I was just like oh my god no. How weird would that be? Even if she was single I wouldn't introduce them, that is just a recipe for disaster!

I fell asleep on the couch for a little bit around 5 and I'm still dead tired so I guess I'll be sleeping well tonight.

Last night we went to the giants game and I got home around 10 then I had to wind down so it was damn near 11 by the time I jumped into bed. I still had a hard time falling asleep so I was definitely tired this morning. The game was good though. A little boring compared to NHL games obviously, and more so just because they wouldn't let any of the guys fight. Which I thought was stupid. Yes I know it's hockey and they're there to play the game... but come on, fighting is PART of the damn game and it keeps the crowd happy!

I took the initiative yesterday to finish laying out something that one of the guys was working on since he had started on something else. I wasn't up to a whole lot and I know that if I ask for something to do a lot of the times I will get the "we need some plate burned" or "can you cut a bazillion pieces of this, here's a list of what we need" sort of thing, and since it's something you can do on the first day week you work there it's not challenging anymore. In fact they're the kinds of jobs you want if you're hungover or really tired, because they're slow going, no thinking involved, and you can find a comfy seat to sit and stare at the saw blade for the entire 8 hour day.

I did built a couple of things yesterday and today and am getting used to studying a drawing and figuring out what I need to do. Obviously I'm a little slower at it because I'm not very practiced yet since unless I specifically go get a drawing and start working on it, no one will ever say 'here do this.' Surprisingly even when you're in school you'll look at drawings and answer questions on them, but you don't build anything from any complex drawings so yes you learn how to read the drawing, but the building it part is where you're actually putting those skills to use... It's nice to just get a drawing you've never seen before and actually build it. You can stare at a drawing all you want and read it perfectly, but it's useless without the practical part.

I'm enjoying that I'm taking the initiative and basically forcing the guys around me to let me do some of this stuff. If you don't do that there you do end up doing a lot of dog fuck jobs and it makes me sort of dislike work on those days. I'm hoping that if I keep doing this then they'll start giving me more opportunities to work on some harder projects so that I gain as much experience as I can while I'm doing this apprenticeship. I always forget how fun (and sometimes very frustrating) it can be to work with steel. There's a million little tricks that I don't even know the half of so it's really cool to watch people sometimes and just see how people do things. We have one guy at work that I swear is genious when it comes to building shit. He always finds the most uncomplicated ways to build stuff that involves the smallest amount of work possible. He calls it "the lazy way" but it works well and he's not straining his body. I should work more with him to get some tips!

Anyways... I need to call my mom still and I guess I should either save that casserole for lunch tomorrow and make something else for dinner tonight, or vice versa. I have no clue what I'm going to do for lunch tomorrow and I have no intention of getting off my ass to go to the store to buy some sandwich meat!

Bruise Bruise

The bruise is getting ugly. Just as I knew it would. Good thing it doesn't hurt. Most of my bruises look a lot worse than they feel. I'm curious to see what it's going to do, usually it gets worse after a couple days then starts to get better. It should be good and pretty tomorrow!

Sleeping feet

I just got home from work.

I dropped a huge chain on the back of my leg today, there is going to be a very large bruise I am sure of it. It isn't just your regular chain. The links are 3/8's of an inch thick, 7 inches long, and there are buckets (like on farm equipment [loaders/plows etc]) attached to the top of the chain. Basically, the piece that caught the back of my leg weight about 50lbs. Not impressed. Oh well, it should make for some pretty colours!

Tonight is our first night of our marriage prep course. I'm not sure just what to expect yet, but I'm sure it will go just fine.

And in the next 3 weeks apparently we will be working a lot of overtime. Who knows. I say that a lot and then we don't, so I'm going to wait for it to happen this time.

There are dishes in the sink. I am not doing them.

I have no idea what I'm going to eat for dinner yet. Last night I had a moose stirfry with rice. I eat a lot of stirfry because it's quick, easy, and it tastes good.

I'm not used to getting up at quarter to 5 anymore. I don't miss that part at all. I went to bed at 9:30 last night, I'm sure tonight I'll be going to bed around 10. I'm going to miss the biggest loser :( so sad. I'm obsessed with that show obvs. I don't know what it is about watching really large people lose weight but I enjoy it greatly.

I should go find something to make for dinner, and have a shower, blah. I ate a lot today. More than usual.

My fish saw the canucks fish die and followed suit

On January 19th I mentioned in my post that my fish was going to die soon.

Well... I lied. It was not soon. In fact I finally came home to a dead fish today. He was alive this morning, so he died sometime during the day and was floating belly up when I got home.

I am amazed he took that long to die. He wouldn't eat, not a thing! Since January 19th! It's frickin February 9th! Thats 21 days. Exactly 3 weeks for that sucker to die.

I thought I would be sad. I wasn't though. It kinda made me feel a little gross though, he was looking pretty yucky. His gills were all big and hanging out from where they should be.

But man, 3 weeks without eating (plus a few days before that because he'd stopped eating already when I mentioned it in my post... clearly I had an overweight fish) and he kept swimming into everything. I had sworn he went blind because he would freak out at any noise or bump of the table and crash his face into the glass and rocks. Then he started turning really pale and losing all of his red colours. He had blue streaks in his fins and those turned to an ugly grey. He was seriously looking rough. So he finally bit the dust. Bout time. I was sick of the anticipation! Every morning I would wake up "Has he died yet?" ... Every night I would come home "Has he died yet?" Nope. FINALLY today when I figured he would still be alive, he died.

Farewell Pedro!

There is still one fish left in the house, The French Tickler. Krystal's fish. He's probably on his way out soon too, I've been feeding him but he hasn't been eating. I don't know if Krystal feeds him or not during the day, if she does it could explain why he's not eating when I feed him since he's stuffed, but I know she doesn't change his water so who knows how long he'll last. His waters been changed once in the last month and I changed it... Oh well though.

I'm debating on whether or not to get a new one. I don't know if I will. They just die anyways so really it's just like flushing $5.99 plus tax down the toilet. Literally. So I'm thinking, no. I like them, but you can't even have more than one fish in the bowl and it's boring watching one fish swim around all day by itself. Which is why I amused myself numerous times by putting a mirror in front of the fish, or even putting mine and krystals fish in the same tank to fight a few times. The French Tickler kicked the shit out of Pedro. Frenchie sucked off a big chunk of Pedro's fin haha. It was crazy!

Today I worked. It was a good day. I enjoyed being back at work. We got a sweet new pressure washer there. It's like the big ones at the car washes. I spent some time cleaning one of our old lathes so we can paint it and make it pretty to sell it... After that I was going to wash the work truck but we had a rush job so I got put onto that. It was just Dave, Denis and myself today (And my bosses of course) all the rest of the guys had the day off, they come back tomorrow, then we start working on some new jobs. It was Dave's first day back since October... He broke his leg and has been on compo until now.

I went to brentwood earlier to pick up some new carhartts and some laces for my boots, but ended up buying a new pair of work boots. They were on sale for 60 bucks... and they're GIRLS work boots. UGH. I don't know how I feel about them yet. My other ones aren't in HORRIBLE shape, but they're pretty rough, I'd probably need to buy new ones in a month anyways. One boot only has half it's laces... because the other half lit on fire. My old carhartts also had a huge hole in the leg, because again, I caught my leg on fire. So basically I needed new work gear. I got brown carhartts this time too, AND BROWN BOOTS. Fuck. I usually wear black carhartts and black iron workers boots (they have wicked grip and the sole is like that of a skate shoe, there's no heely part which I like) so this whole brown scene is going to be really gay I think. Oh well. Oddly enough brown carhartts are 74.99 and black carhartts are 94.99... Like what the shit? They're the SAME pieces/sizes of material, just different colours. Annoying.

I should start on dinner. I'm getting pretty hungry!

Some oldies

I thought I would take a trip down memory lane. I finally hooked up my printer and decided that I would scan some old pictures since I haven't ever done that before. There are lots so I won't have explanations for all of them but, here's some old pictures of me, and the odd couple in there of my older brother Kyler and some pets!

Baby Me:

My brother Kyler and I:

Either shortly before or shortly after I had an eyepatch!

I've rocked hairstyles from the first days I grew hair!

Apparently mohawks were my thing:

This picture deserves an explanation. My brother is TWO YEARS older than me. I was 7 months old in this picture... and I was damn near the same size as him hahaha. I had mad diaper toe in this picture haha.

My big brother Kyler:

More me:

I bounce back and forth between ugly and cute stages it seems. I was cute for a bit then got ugly again.

Best Ninja Turtles shirt EVER. I wore that thing into the ground. I remember waking up and putting that shirt on as many days as I could because it was my favourite thing ever.

You might need to enlarge this picture. I am the 4th kid from the right in the back row. I am wearing a bright yellow shirt with floral suspenders, and check out my hair. Yep that's right, I gave myself a haircut! I think I was born to be a hairdresser.

This time I'm in the ugly red floral dress, 2nd from the right in the front row. I was in grade one. My cousin Riane was in grade 2, she is the 2nd kid in from the left in the back row haha. Seriously what were we thinking when we got dressed back then? Ugh.

I don't even know how to explain this dress or this picture for that matter. This was my 7th birthday. My brother is wearing my dads daffy duck tie, the girls are all wearing ugly shit too, and for some odd reason my cousin (back row on the far right) has a brush in her hand?? I don't know.

My beautiful baby sister and I. She was so adorable!

Alright. I used to be a stick skinny person. USED TO. Here's my proof. Is that not disgusting or what? I like how I am wearing a bra even though I CLEARLY don't have any boobies yet.

My brother and his girlfriend Maggie. They've been together since they were in grade 11 sooo... wow 7 years now. I didn't realize it'd been that long!

My first dog ever. Oscar. He was the most amazing dog, always protected me, usually walked me instead of the other way around, and he was out knocking up every dog in heat that he possibly could. Unfortunately that was the reason he died, someone got pissed off cause he was out there humping this guys lady dog and so he shot Oscar. My dad wanted to go over there and shoot his dog but thankfully refrained.

My first pet ever. Smudge! When she was a kitten she had a small black smudge mark on the top of her head. Within a year it was gone! She was given to my brother when he was 2, I was just a newborn. We had her until I was 18 years old when we finally put her down.

Shortly before we put her down. 18 years old and looking pretty good actually!

Okay so... Everyone always wants to know what my natural hair colour is. Because I haven't had it my natural hair since 8th grade. This was my 13th birthday. This is the longest my hair has ever been... and this is my natural colour. So brace yourselves cause you'll probably never see this again!

And then by the end of grade 8 I had given myself a haircut and bleached out my hair!! This was my best friend Kelsey and I (at least best friends for grade 8 and some of 9).

I had to post this. Just cause this is the greasiest stache EVER. Tej on the left, Warren in the middle, and Steven on the right. My mom used to rent out the basement suite in Tej's house haha.

And another hair fashion I tried in grade 10. Blue Hair!

My grade 12 prom! (I say grade 12 because I went to three seperate proms for our school and one for another.) That's my mom on the left of course, and my STEP dad on the right.

So that's that. I don't know what to say about any of the pictures really. They're not all that exciting. I don't have many pictures from when I was a kid. There's a lot of skipped years from when my parents divorced, and a lot of things went missing during that time too so photo's got lost. I stole some of the ones my mom had because I guess it's nice to look back on. I remember a lot from my childhood surprisingly, but it's always nice to have the pictures.

I should get going to bed now, it's 20 after 12 and I have to get up for church in the morning!