It's All Just The Aftermath

"Are we still going for cure?" There wasn't a "yes" or "no" answer. There was a silence that was followed by, "We think it's time you start getting your affairs in order."

This does not mean he will die tomorrow, or in the next few months, it may very well be a couple years from now. Unfortunately at the rate his cancer has progressed already it is all completely unpredictable; especially with the rarity of his disease. It will take a miracle.

It's coming time where he has told me he is trying to come to terms with facing death. The hardest part is seeing it and being a part of it. I have done so well with not breaking down since he was diagnosed. When I found that out I cried for days. When I slowly started to find out more it actually seemed very hopeful. Even the doctors were hopeful. Unfortunately the more tests were done the more they started finding the disease riddling his body. Since then I have just lost it. I feel so selfish and I try so hard not to let him see me like this because I know that the hardest part for him is seeing all of his loved ones hurt and knowing that he can't stop it.



It has taken away his life already. He is not allowed to work, although lately he has been pushing himself to anyways because he is so frustrated with feeling weak. He cannot have children even if he were to be cured. It has torn a hole through his family and the worry will always be there, remission or not. It has destroyed him and I want to rip every piece of cancer out of his body and kill it. I want to save him yet I can't do a single thing except sit back and be as supportive and loving as possible.

[The dark enraptured me on the cold crisp night,
Slicing through the black were the lonely headlights,
Focusing on the road that guided me to my destination,
With thoughts of sorrow, hatred, moral deprivation.
With my past haunting me and the future unsure
I thought selfish thoughts, well now "where is the cure?"
My stomach knotted the more I would think,
And it got worse, my spirit started to sink.
I pushed out a deep breath of despair,
Fuck man, in who's world is this fair?] ...

It's an excerpt of something he wrote. The words are haunting. "Fuck man, in who's world is this fair?" - It isn't in anyones.

I came home on the 27th in the morning to find my dad on the front step holding a stuffed dinosaur with a note attached - my name was written on the note. My heart sunk because I knew who it was from.


A childhood toy. A dinosaur named spike, a set of three - Spike was the favourite. Jon teased me once and said "I promise when I go I will leave you something shiny." I responded with "I don't need something shiny, and I don't care what you leave me with if something happens, so long as it was something that meant something to you."

This dinosaur was made by Jons mom one Christmas when she was in the hospital. She had to have surgery and unfortunately couldn't spend Christmas at home with her family. She sewed three dinosaurs for Jon, all based off of the Land Before Time characters. He grew extremely attached to this one and slept with it every night until he was 12 or so.

At 3 in the morning he was haunted by another sleepless night and decided to drive to Fort and leave this dinosaur for me on my doorstep for me to find. I took the note off, read the message, and stood there in complete silence touching the weathered dinosaur. I went upstairs and sat down, my stepmom asked about it. I showed her the note and then I sat there and just broke. Every piece of strength I had in me was non existent. I've held it together for so long, put up with all of the bullshit people have had to say. I've tried to put on the tough front and have been realistic about things from day one, but I am never going to accept that this is killing him. I can never come to terms with the fact that I am losing a best friend and there's nothing I can do to save him. Everything in me just wants to save him.

I sat there for an hour crying holding this stuffed animal and I've barely let it out of my sight since. I've slept with it every night and I hold it every time him and I talk - which is at least an hour or two every day - and every time I am upset.

My dad and stepmom really wanted to meet him and asked me if I would invite him over that night for dinner and to play some games. I really wanted to so I texted him to see if he was game for that. He had promised his dad he would go to church with him but asked if it would be too late if he came over after that (around 4:30pm he would get to my place.) It's never too late. So right on time he knocked on the door and spent an entire evening with my family. We went to my moms for a short visit so I could say goodbye to her then went back into town to my dads. We played Mario Brothers for Wii and Jon and I were sooo awful at it. We just laughed at eachother the whole time and kept tossing the controllers back and forth to my brother Kyler so he could get us out of the levels. Kyler was in so much pain watching us play.

After that we watched National Lampoons Christmas Vacation because Jon had never seen it. It is a family tradition that we watch it every year at Christmas and I wanted to share that with him. After that extreme home makeover came on. I have no idea why this family was chosen to have a house built for them since we turned it on just as they were revealing the house to the family. Jon made the joke "I have cancer they should build a house for me!" and my brother and I laughed. Jon devised a plan that if we all combined hardships that maybe we could swing a free house out of the deal. Sounded pretty solid to me.


Jon and I sat side by side the whole movie, I was curled into his arms. I don't know how to explain the situation but it's like I can't be close enough to him. I just want to be touching him the whole time. He feels it too though, and he never wants to let me go either. I was still as close as I could be to him when we were watching this tv show and then the mom on the show said something. I honestly can't even remember what it was she said but it was something really sad... Jon (whos hand was already in mine) squeezed my hand so tight and then looked at me with tears in his eyes. The fear that I could see in him, it was the most awful thing I've ever seen. I swear I could feel my chest pull so tightly and I completely lost my breath.

Shortly after that my family had gone to bed except for my brother, so Jon and I went upstairs to talk. We talked for about 20 minutes and then we both broke down. I never wanted him to see me upset because I know how much it hurts him to see that, but there was just no stopping it. We just sat there in a death grip hug and cried.

I can't even begin to comprehend what he is going through. He has the option of going through chemo again but the doctors said it will probably only put things on hold for maybe a month at best, if at all. They say eventually you just get to a point where treatment isn't worth it anymore. With how horrible chemo is he would go through months of that and it would make him feel ten times worse than if he doesn't go through with it, and all for "maybe" a month? I don't know. I don't know what he will do yet.

I just keep praying something will change.

So this New Year that is about to begin is turning into the aftermath of 2009. I do have many goals for this year, but the biggest one that means the most to me is to organize this cancer fundraiser to start doing my part in finding a cure. Call me stupid, call me whatever - It means something to me.

So here's to all of you bringing in the new year. I wish all of you a healthy and happy new year filled with life. I know I personally will be focusing more on the things that really matter this year, and less on the things that don't. I still believe 2010 is going to be a great year.

Be safe everyone.
Damien Rice - Grey Room

Household Situation

I am back home in Burnaby in much warmer weather after a crazy 6 day holiday. It was incredibly busy and I took some pictures, not an overly large amount but I'll do a post with those soon enough. I've got some other things I need to take care of in the next few days first.

My latest issue at hand is either moving out or finding a new roommate. I got home last night around 9pm and Ashley informed me she has found a great place close to her work for a very good price so she will be moving out at the end of January. I don't blame her for taking it because I would have too if I was her so I'm definitely not mad about anything. It is a slight inconvenience because it can be a pain in the ass finding roommates or a new place to live. It's stressful anyway you look at it but whatever, it'll get figured out. I have 2 days to find an affordable place to live or I will be stuck with the option of finding a new roommate to move into my current place. The second option of the two is probably the most logical choice for me right now but again, we'll see what happens.

The biggest problem with all of it is that the Olympics will be in February and trying to find a place during that time is really trying my patience.

Basically January is going to be a shit show. I'm in the process of setting up a potential job that will pay me much more than I currently make and if that happens then none of this other shit will matter, but again that's a "wait and see" sort of thing. If I end up starting a new job at the same time I move out of a place it will be extremely costly and nerve wracking.

Sometimes you just gotta go for shit though. You don't get it figured out unless you do it half the time so we'll see where I end up.

The other thing I could consider if it becomes a worst case scenario then I could rent a room in a house full of others but I'd really prefer not to do that. I would like the first time I did that to be the last and only time I would do that.

Here goes nothing I guess. I suppose these can be worked into my "life changes" for the new year haha. A little earlier than planned but whatever!

It's Almost The End Of A Shit-tastic Year!

Tonight is my last night at home and I am slowly working on getting things ready to go. By slowly I mean not at all. HAH.

It's now 7pm and I have nothing packed. In fact I am the opposite of packed right now. I need to take my stuff out of my hair supplies suitcase and then stuff it full of clothes and hair shit. So it's like, unpacking just to pack again. Ugh. The worst kind of packing! At least I have done all of my laundry and stuff though so everything is ready to be packed I just need to get my ass in gear and do it.

I've ran out of time and I'm still somehow finding time to waste. This isn't a good combination really. I've been sick since Wednesday and today was one hell of a long day. I started feeling better over the weekend but this morning I felt like I was run over by a truck. It very quickly became a Damien Rice kind of day and I sat in my office fucking the dog the whole day listening to some nice acoustic music. Not so much fucking the dog, I still got stuff done, I just refused to get up because I felt like I was going to puke up until about 3 or so.

The last few weeks have been crazy, as you can tell I haven't had any time to blog. Yesterday was our last day of class for the year and we will go back on the 4th. Then it's balls to the wall until May. That means between January 4th and May 1st there are 117 days. I will have one of those days off in that time. Yes I counted because I am just that neurotic and need to prepare myself for this ridiculous escapade.

I've already decided a few things. The biggest thing is that I've decided to step back from any parties (except for special occasions ie good friends birthdays or something) and just be a hermit. I need to. I have exhausted myself this month because there has been too many things going on. I just simply can't go out right now. It's too tiring. There are a few people that don't seem to understand it but that's okay. I will make time for the people who mean most to me but it will be doing easy going things. I hope everyone will understand and that no one will think I'm trying to bail out on life.

Tomorrow I leave for PG after work basically. My flight is supposed to leave at 7:35pm but I am expecting it to be delayed. They always are at that time of night especially in the winter. I originally had plans to meet up with a group of people around 10pm somewhere but I decided to cancel. Call me lame but I think I might cancel most plans with friends this time around.

I do still have plans though. On the 23rd while my brother is at work I am going to do a couple haircuts for my best friend and her husband, as well as sneak in a limited visit with my Gramma. Once my brothers off work we're going to head up to Fort instead of leaving the next morning like the original plan. We are going to stop in Vanderhoof to visit Jon. I told Jon I would love to visit him on my way through and say hello to his family so he has invited my brother and I to his house for dinner. He went on a big fishing trip after he was finished chemo and he wants to make us a really nice halibut or cod dinner. We are finally going to get some pictures together after all these years too. This is my favourite picture of him though by far...


Oh life. How crazy you can be. This year has been one for the books that's for sure, it's been one fuuuuuucked up year. I have already started compiling a list of things I want to do/start doing in 2010 as well. I'm enjoying where my life is going right now and I want to continue on that. Next year will definitely be better than this year.

The only other news is that I had my hair redone yesterday. One of the girls in my class (the fabulous Jessica) did it for me. I was going to get it cut as well but we just didn't have time. We were really running low on colour yesterday and the colour I wanted to put in my hair was only available in permanent. So I was going to mix some colours in the demipermanents to get the same colour, but we were friggen out of one of the colours I needed so that failed miserably. So I went with permanent instead which means that instead of a quick/easy application and a 20 minute wait it became a longer application process and a 40 minute wait. I'm going to be all gross looking for Christmas but whatever. I don't even care I'm just psyched on life that I finally sleep in for a few days and not feel the slightest bit guilty about it. Oh and I'm also not going out for New Years this year, I am so taking advantage of that weekend and just relaxing as well!

The colour I am aiming for:

Time to shower and pack. Woohoo Home tomorrow! :)

Bad Omen or McConnell Luck? I'll Never Know

I was thinking about my car today... and I realized that suckers been through a lot.

It now has about 54000km's on it, it is 3 years old, and has the worst luck. Clearly it belongs to a McConnell because bad luck just seems to run in the family.

So this is what she's done in the last 3 years in no particular order:

- Multiple trips from Vancouver to Fort, and vice versa

- Probably a hundred (+/-) trips to PG from Fort.

-Was towed to the impound and spent two nights there due to not so nice police men.

-Spent a night in the ditch by someones house till she received a visit from the tow truck (who actually wanted to try to pull her out with his fucking yukon. Still not impressed about that, what kind of tow truck service shows up with a god damn yukon and says he can pull you out with that??)

-She has been gouged big time on the side of both passenger doors near the bottom by a nasty trailer hitch.

-She has been keyed.

-She has taken it in the rear.

-She's also given it in the rear - twice.

-She has been given some head via an asian man turning left.

-She's had to have one of her tires changed because it had a big gouge in it :(

-She's been high centered on a snowbank due to a certain sister of mine egging me on to "See if we could make it."

... I think that's it... so far anyhow. So in 3 years that's what's coming to me.

I think this car is a bad omen. One day if I don't die in this stupid thing, I will get rid of it and HOPEFULLY get a car that isn't destined to bad things happening.

Cozy Friday Night In

I'm having a rather "Relaxed" Friday night. This weekend is a big weekend for me since we start working on real people this weekend! AHHH. I'm scared hahaha but extremely excited at the same time.

Tonight I'm working on my Christmas cards. I am so behind on Christmas stuff this year. I FINALLY finished my first card layout. It's not perfect but it won't be sent out anyways. This one will just be for me to use as a reference. I'm going to make as many pieces for the cards as I can and then I'll probably go to bed. I was going to practice the haircut I'm doing on Danielle's mom but I'm not going to bother now. I'm too tired.

Today we had our Christmas party at the Casino on Willingdon and Canada Way. It turned out very well. Once other people get their pictures up I'll steal some and do a post on that. I totally shit the bed on bringing my camera today and I didn't think I'd miss it too much but I did! Lesson learned for sure.

Well, really this blog is just a time killer because I'm totally unmotivated on Christmas card making. I just cleaned up the disaster pit that I had going on. I make the biggest messes when I scrapbook and now that I know exactly what I need I was finally able to put the rest of the shit taking up space back in the box.

Today was my 29th day in a row and all it's doing to me now is making the days blend together. Alicia said the other day "It's only Wednesday?" and my first thought was "It's already Wednesday? Wtf it feels like it was just Friday..." It's a messed up feeling when you don't even know what day it is anymore. I can't even believe how fast this week went by.

It's not much longer until I get up into Fort with the cold weather and snow either. I'm so excited it's not even funny. It'll hardly be a break for me because I'll be retardedly busy the whole time I'm there but I don't even care. This is my schedule so far:

22nd: Work till 3:30, go to airport, land in PG near 9pm, go out somewhere with PG people at 10pm, come home, have a sleepover with Lloyd (no not that kind of sleepover you pervs.)

23rd: Sleep in until 9/10, get up, visit Gramma, go to Megan and Zachs, give them both haircuts, visit, possibly cut Sarah's hair if I have time, then Marco and I are going to watch movies and have a sleepover. Again, not the kind of sleepover.

24th: Get up in the am, drive to Fort, hang with the family, eat appies all day until I puke, play games whatevs, sleep at dads.

25th: Christmas morning at dads, breakfast at dads, head to moms for Christmas with mom, shower etc have dinner at moms this year. Probs head back to dads later that night.

26th: Hang out day with my sister. We'll probably go sledding or something, hang out with Kat probably and then likely go out that night as well.

27th: Family day with both mom and dad.

28th: Come back to Vancouver.

Yep.

Okay you know what? Plans have officially changed for the night. I just became extremely tired and I'm not even going to fight it. Goodnight world.

Wish me luck with all this working on real people business! :| Here's to hoping Danielle doesn't leave with chin length hair tomorrow! ;)

An Arising Issue

I can't ever seem to have a job that doesn't involve needing to buy shit in order to do said job.

Three Examples:

Sawmill - Must wear steel toed work boots and coveralls/crappy clothes you can wreck.
Steel Fab - Work Boots, Tools, Coveralls for contract work, and Gas to get to contract jobs.
Hairdressing - What don't you need for hairdressing that isn't expensive?

Le sigh. It makes me a little unsettled when I stop and think about the fact that "shit, when I'm done school I still don't have everything I'm going to need and will have to spend quite a few hundred dollars on more shit."

Like thinning shears for instance, I don't have a pair of those and I will need some. I also will need a different pair of scissors because I'm not an overly huge fan of what was given to us with our kit. They will do for now but I will eventually need to upgrade once I get better.

That being said, thinning shears and scissors are extremely expensive. They range anywhere from 200-1500 bucks. (Yes you heard that correctly, bet you didn't realize they could be THAT expensive did you?)

I think what frustrates me the most is that everyone expects a deal. It's hard to charge people, especially friends, for what you do. Everyone wants you to give them a deal or just to do it for free but they don't understand the cost that goes into it. You wouldn't believe the amount of times I have no had people say to me "I'm so excited for you to go to hairschool! Now you can cut my hair and I won't have to pay someone to do it!" ... Uhm excuse me? RUDE. Yes that's right, I forgot that I was spending 10 grand on a course just so I can cut peoples hair for free and bankrupt myself!

I hate, HATE telling people prices. I hate talking money with people because it's something that can easily upset people. You don't want to offend someone by saying a price they feel is completely unreasonable. But you know what? I am paying over a lot of money for this course, and that doesn't even begin to go into the expenses I will run into once I am finished the course. Not to mention I'm doing quite well at this and will continue to get even better. Modesty is something I don't have when it comes to hair, I like it, I know my shit, and I'll make you look fucking fantastic.

So no I am not going to give everyone a deal. I'm not going to start myself off on the wrong foot. Once you start that shit people expect it forever. Take my hairdresser in Fort for instance - She charged the same price for 6 years - SIX FUCKING YEARS - before she finally increased her prices. People were so pissed off with her they said they were going to start going to PG to get their hair done instead. Are you fucking kidding me? How would you feel if you weren't given a raise at work for 6 years and you were barely making a profit? She still charges less than anywhere you would go here in Vancouver or Prince George. I've paid over 250 bucks for my hair in one appointment before, NOT including a tip. Was it a lot of money? Yep you bet, but it was one of the best haircuts and colours I've ever had done. You get what you pay for people.

You are paying for a service that you cannot do yourself. If you have a problem with that then either learn how to do it yourself or find someone who's willing to rape their own bank account just to be nice to other people. I for one need to eat and pay bills the same way everyone else does.

End rant.

Ballzears and Dirty Bathrooms

The days are going by faster than ever and my exhaustion has hit an all time low. I was so tired this morning that I could barely open my eyes. For some stupid reason I can't ever seem to just go to bed and fall asleep, I have to wait until I'm tired enough to fall asleep before I can lay down. Last night it was 4 in the morning before that happened. I was so tired I could have puked. So I e-mailed my boss and went back to bed. I didn't resurface from my bedroom until 2:30 this afternoon. I was in the deepest sleep of my life. Then I got up and got ready for school and went to class.

The weekend was a busy one. Friday night Mark and I hung out. I had 10 million things on the go so baking cookies got put on hold due to the fact that I was trying to do my laundry and everything at the same time he was here. (Quite the life I lead right?) So we watched superbad instead because I don't have any good horror movies and I didn't want to have nightmares. Yes I totally pussied out.

On Saturday night I was invited to a co-workers Christmas party. I didn't take any pictures because I didn't really know anyone there and I would feel weird taking pictures of people I don't know at all. It was a really fun night though. I didn't drink much because I had to drive so I was very well behaved. I was quite impressed with Graham's party planning skills though. He had food and everything set up and he even had a bunch of Christmas games to play which was hilarious. I might actually steal some of his ideas and have a Christmas party next year. It was a blast though. His place is like Joey and Chandlers from friends - no kitchen table, but there is a fooseball table haha. It was great. He even had prizes for his games though, he had a box for the "naughty" list and a box for the "nice" list. It was hilarious. I ended up with a pair of handcuffs at the end of the night and was attempting to do the limbo. It turns out I cannot limbo very well.

I was feeling rather gross Sunday morning though for some stupid reason. I had 4 palm bays, that's it, FOUR and I had a gnarly hangover. I threw up before school and then was on my way. However I felt great after about an hour or so and somehow whipped through the days haircuts. Here was Saturday at school:

Oh hai there Jude, what nice red highlights you have.

Awe Judy cuddles. My hair has faded so much it's insane. It has a slight hint of red left to it and a little bit of the violet and that's it. It's strange. I was looking quite rough that day... for reasons I'm unsure of.

Miss Jamie with her fancy new purple hair. Her Judy disappeared, she's now got Judolph Hitler hanging out in Judy's place.

Colleen of course.

A few of the girls talking colour with our instructor Elyssa.

Jotee. She wasn't feeling very good that day, her stomach had this crazy rock hard bulge. It's true - I felt it. It was the weirdest thing I have ever felt.

HAHA everything about this picture makes me happy. Katie-Rose on the left, Jessica in the middle, and Jamie on the right.

Chelsea doing "the hairdressers pose." I'd like to reassure you though that we only look like that 1/4 of the time. The other 3/4's of the time we're doin' us some fuckin lunges.

Clearly we were busy that day... So busy in fact that Katie-Rose had to re-apply her lipstick because she worked it all off.

Random french roll I did last weekend.

Also complete with a set of highlights I did.

HAHA Jamie's happy face. Stoked on life that she could fiiiiiiinally shave off all of Judy's hair. It's really creepy cause when Judy gets shaved it feels like velcro.

Oh Hey stephanie what's up? "Oh nothing, just shaving some random lightening bolts into Judy's head."

HAHAHA. Can I PLEASE do this to someones hair?! Any volunteers?? Come on you know it's funny.

We practiced our "Chignon updos" ... To quote Katie-Rose doing the "It's a fucking chignon!!" face. Bahaha. Tonya is in the middle and Kara is on the far right. Kara is the one who flies in to Vancouver from Fort St. John ever single weekend.

This is what Judy now looks like. The end of Judy doll #1. I am going to take her to Fort with me over Christmas and I'm going to play target practice with the .338 ... I was going to do it with the 30.06 but I'm not going to have it with me obvs. I'll be sure to get it on video.

Last night after class a few of us girls decided to go over to the Cambie for a couple drinks. Our class is slowly developing some cliques. It's not like in highschool where one group hates the other or anything like that but there are a lot of different personalities and different ages so you sort of end up spending more time with the people you have more in common with, obviously - duh. We do have a really great room full of girls though and we all get along incredibly well.

Anyways, so Katie-Rose, Jamie, Kaitlyn and myself went to grab some drinks. Jessica was going to join us later but we left before she was ready to get her ass over there.

We ended up being about the only girls in the place. I went and poached some victims for Kaitlyns hair models this coming weekend but we'll see how that goes over. She was too shy to ask the bartender to be her model so I got him on board for her. She's not sure if she wants to cut his hair now so hopefully he doesn't show up.

After a very interesting conversation of ballbras (wow now I remember what I was supposed to google today...) and boobs/bras a bunch of random old men came over to ask us to play pool with them. Kaitlyn finally gave in while the rest of us stayed at the table claiming we just really wanted to sit since we'd been on our feet all day. (Not a complete lie but a little bit.) Kaitlyn got up, drank her beer, put the glass on the table and says, and I quote "I hope they've got sons!" and walked over to the pool tables hahahaha. I almost pissed myself laughing it was so unexpected. She's SO quiet in class but you get her singled out and with a beer and she is hilarious.


One of the guys names was Mike McKill. Yes, that's right, McKill. We let him buy us a pitcher anyways. I also met my future husband (not.) ... The one guy kept asking me to marry him, I told him I had a dress already but I'm not sure if he realized I was serious about that part. Either way it was extremely entertaining. They were completely harmless and gave us some pretty good entertainment for the night. There were a few other random conversations with two guys we like to call "28 and 29" but they weren't nearly as entertaining.

We TRIED to get a nice picture but Kaitlyn wasn't having any part of it. Obvs.

We left quite early and I dropped all the girls off at their homes/skytrains and was at home by 9:30. I had to be good since I was driving so I only allowed myself 3 beers.

Just as I suspected from the moment I knew I'd be in school -- the cambie is going to end up being visited rather frequently. Ahhh I love that place, even if I have to hover over their shit and blood stained toilet seats when I pee.

Sigh.

This week I am going to learn how to play "All laid back and stufff" by Andy McKee on that damn guitar thats been sitting unplayed for 3 days.

Anyways, time for bed. Next weekend we've got live victims in our chairs at school! I can't believe I've already been in school for over a month.

Can We Have Nap-Time Like In Kindergarten?

I've hit a complete wall this afternoon. I have plans for this evening but all I can think about is napping. Oh how sweet it would be to have a nice glorious nap.

Today I have been working and going to school for 3 weeks straight. I still have nearly 3 weeks to go. I don't know how on earth I am going to make it through the 91 days stretch after Christmas.

I came home from work last night and forced myself to do two haircuts and a proper blowout seeing as how I haven't done anything at home. It was 11pm by the time I sat down and did nothing. I was somehow awake until 3 in the morning again. I have trouble winding down after busy days. Tuesdays are still my worst mornings. Mondays are a 16 hour day from the time I get up till the time I get home, then I usually can't fall asleep until at least 1 or 2 in the morning because I'm all wound up. It's uber lame trying to get up the next day.

Tonight I have to go home, put the dishes away, clean up all of my hair shit and get packed for class tomorrow. I need to have a shower and straighten my hair. I'm going to read my chapter while I eat dinner then Mark is going to come over and bake sugar cookies with me. I am also being forced to watch a horror movie since I never watch them. I HATE scary movies with a passion but I figure I'll suck it up and watch one. I owe it to him, I've made him watch some pretty crappy movies in the past haha.

Oh Christmas holidays, can't you come faster?

Mind you I still have to do Christmas shopping! I still have no idea what I'm getting anyone yet.

How Now Brown Cow

Things have finally started heading in the right direction. There's been some frustrating, upsetting, and stressful things happen in the last few weeks/months, but there's been so many good things happening as well that I'm finding myself able to finally just brush the shit off and be happy.

I've caught up with two very dear friends of mine, both young and both battling cancer. Unfortunately Jon has received some not-so-good news but he is still doing very well and we're hoping for some changes. There is always hope no matter what even though this year has been excruciatingly brutal in terms of things going down the ripper. It's definitely been teaching me the extreme value of patience.

My favourite ladies <3>

My life right now is all over the place. It feels like I never have time for anything but somehow I'm still out there making life work. It feels fucking great actually. I'm drained already but there's some sort of determination there to just plug through this and do what I love to do... and that is hair. School doesn't feel like work, while it exhausts me more than my actual job does it is just the best feeling to be there. I feel so satisfied for once and I don't want to miss out on anything. On Monday we had our colour theory class and our instructor was allowing us to leave early if we wanted, and this is where you can tell who cares and who doesn't in our class - about 5 people got up and left, the other 10 stayed until our alotted time just to sit there and ask questions. It was so much fun. I love sitting there learning about the technical aspect of haircolour and creating scenarios. I loved that we sat there talking about hairstyles that need to go and ones that should be coming back in. I love euro trash hair (and no that does not include the fucking faux hawk -- that is turning into a disease of the century, much like the mullet.) I love listening to our instructors stories and experiences. I just can't get enough of it. I am so beyond happy being there that I can't even explain it.

Where mannequins go to die.

Today I was exhausted and could barely get out of bed. I sat there and argued every reason of why I should stay home and sleep, and yet somehow I dragged my ass to work. I was late, but I showed up. I had 10 billion excuses and I thought to myself "no, you are going to do this fucking 40 days in a row, and then you are going to do that 91 days in a row, and then you are going to fucking keep working your ass off because it is SATISFYING." And I will say right now, the next person to whine about "ohhh I wish it was the weekend" is going to get a nice little roundhouse kick to the chops when I'm done this. I will say though that I finally know what it's like to live the life of Quan. That bitch be crazy! hahahaha.

Shaving Grahams leg with the hedge trimmer.

I'm going to be an "auntie" to one of my friends babies next year (possibly two if the other one gets knocked up soon) and I couldn't be any more excited. However things are still on the DL because she's pretty early into things yet so I won't drop any names. I am incredibly happy for her though and can't wait to meet her little baby (which I'm positive is going to be a baby boy.)


I've broken back into my old personality - my exuberant and outgoing self that will make conversation with anyone, anywhere, anytime. It's been awhile since I've had her around for some reason I got a little shy for awhile. It's a weird thing because a lot of my old personality has come back, but it's completely modified so I'm still a totally different person than I used to be, but with my favourite qualities that I never wanted to lose. That is a pretty cool feeling to me.

I don't remember a single one of those guys's names, but clearly we were all having a good time. I still don't understand why the one guy is dressed up as what appears to be an african safari bee-keeper when it was really a flapper theme but whatevs!

The lovely birthday girl Ann:

I've started getting a little more into the fashion aspect now as well and I feel great when I'm all dressed up. I'm still not great at putting outfits together but I'm getting better! I'm starting to find a style that fits me so I can continue to work on that.

I've lost weight and am very happy with how my body is looking and I'm just overall extremely confident right now. I'm officially down to 135lbs and I'm more than okay with that. I still have some fat here and there, I'm not perfect and I don't feel like a rockstar in a bathingsuit by any means, but who does? I'm eating as normally as I can given my hectic schedule and surprisingly most of my exercise is coming from school. You wouldn't believe the amount of muscles you use when you're cutting/blowdrying hair!


I guess what I've noticed more than anything is I am finally developing a personality that is strictly mine. I've given up on giving a shit what people think. I've always been an odd ball, especially in the city, but I just don't care anymore. I like me, I think I'm pretty fuckin badass. HAHA just kidding.

Milena and I in the upper picture, Klara, Mel, and I in the lower picture.

I can't wait to get back home for Christmas to see my family now. It's going to be a really great week up there, cold as shit, but great. I've got lots of plans when I'm up there. I'm going to be doing some hair while I'm there, getting in some good visits, and eating more turkey dinner than is necessary. Deal? I think so.

Lay Off The Sauce Seabass!

It's not often that I forget things even when I've been completely wasted the night before. I have an impeccable memory and can usually remember the most minute details.

However, I find this quite interesting that somehow on Sunday morning I did not recall giving anyone my number. I completely forgot about a conversation I had with someone that night and would not have remembered it had nothing triggered the memory.

So randomly I'm sitting here tonight, and I get a text message that says: "Hey it's Donovan. I met u @ Anns. If u still wanna shoot some guns let me know."

HAHA what the fuck. How did this happen? I actually remember the situation now but I had completely forgotten that I'd given him my number. I didn't give it to him out of wanting to hook up, that much I know. Somehow he brought up guns and the whole topic of killing things came up and then we got on the topic of skeet shooting etc etc and decided that it would be a good time to go and do that.

Because clearly the drunk redneck inside of me was coming out and nothing says having a good time like being drunk and playing with guns.

The problem now though is that I can remember the entire conversation now that the memory has been triggered, but I don't remember what he looks like. At all. I know that I have a picture of him somewhere in the billion photos taken that night but I met so many people that night that I can't match names to faces so I don't know who he is.

Talk about brutal.

Clearly when you are lacking sleep and have been at school all day and haven't eaten anything since lunch then it's prooobably NOT a good idea to drink a bottle of red wine.