Red Hair, Red Lips, and Plenty 'o' Pussy

I'll take a better picture later where my hair is actually down. That would be the colour works of our random drop in instructor yesterday. Yesterday was an awesome day. Our regular instructor brought us brownie cake (frickin tasty) and I finally got my hair dyed. I'm going to highlight it next to break up the colour a bit and then it will be PERFECT.

Then after school I attended Ann's flapper themed birthday party last night and yet again I saw my coworkers vagina. That's twice now... apparently it's her trade mark or something... or it could have just been the amount of scotch intake but that wouldn't explain the first time she was flashin vag so who knows. I still love her though, she friggen makes me laugh.

We also shaved part of Graham's leg... with a vag hair trimmer.

Everything last night seemed to involve pervy things, in particular the body part in which is equipped with labias.

Not even kidding the quote of the night was "My vagina just died a little." ...

Overall, aside from a brutal hangover this morning it was a hilarious weekend. Friday night was good, yesterday was awesome, this morning sucked balls. I've discovered that no I cannot cut hair when I'm hungover because I'm too busy trying not to puke to actually focus. Also, hangover shakes don't do well with a mens haircut. I eventually threw up, then I felt awesome and was able to eat lunch half an hour later. Weird.

My favourite part about today though was our instructor teaching us a proper blow dry and discussing how she used to do blow-outs on "Jew curls" ... HAHA ... fucking amazing. The fact that she referred to them as jew curls was priceless. I love our instructors.

Well it's time to get back to having no life! Day 16 of 37. You know what's sad? When Christmas is over and school is back in, I will not have a single day off from January all the way until Good Friday. I wish I hadn't of thought of how depressing that is.

I Mailed You A Letter At 1AM

It's emo time bitches. I have so many posts to do, but I just don't have the time or patience to sit here and do a long post filled with 20 billion photos. I promise I will eventually, I have been slacking. Well, it's not even slacking, I just don't have time for much anymore and blogging has sort of taken a back seat. I have major catching up to do and I definitely want to blog about Alicia's birthday. So perhaps tomorrow I can do that.

My life lately is this: Work, school, work, school, work, school. My Tuesday and Friday lunch hours are dedicated to my very attractive and young chiropractor. Seriously if he asked me on a date, I would say yes. He is sooo frickin cute. He massaged up my neck muscles on Tuesday and wow... a man that can massage that good has got to be good for something!! And he's only 32... <3 I have a crush on him for sure haha.

I actually have to go twice a week for the next while because my upper back is right messed up from that accident. It's been sore ever since which is becoming a major inconvenience but whatever, shit happens!

I try to keep up with my social life as well so I am still on the phone with friends and family, and I still spend time with friends as much as possible so that really doesn't leave much time for the internet.



The nights I do get to myself I usually just enjoy by catching up on conversations or watching tv or whatever. It's weird really.

Things have been hectic though. My friend Jon is not doing well at all right now. They found another brain tumour and they cannot do any course of treatment right now. The doctor told him some very harsh news that basically once the cancer gets into his blood there is nothing they can do for him. I can't even begin to describe how difficult that conversation was. You can't find words to say when your friend tells you "maybe I can't beat this." I mean physically he is still okay. It's not like he's in the hospital on his death bed or anything, but just he has gotten some awful news so emotionally he's having a hard time.


Tonight I enjoyed an evening of doing nothing. And I actually made dinner for the first time in I don't know how long. It was quite nice. However that was quickly interrupted with a shower and an ever increasing urge to change my hair. I've had a haircut picked out for about 2 weeks now and a haircolour for about the same and it's driving me nuts that I can't just do it right now! The afternoon class graduates tomorrow so I can't get my hair dyed until we start doing eachothers hair in class. SO I cut myself some bangs in hopes to get rid of the hair urge for awhile. I don't think it's going to happen. I might see if I can get someone to do it for me this weekend. It'd be nice if our instructors needed a model for a colour. It has been four months since I last cut my hair. FOUR MONTHS. That's a long time in my world.

I'm lining up my hair models right now too. I have a lot of girls that want to do it but it's hard because they all have long hair and our instructors would prefer it if we can find models that can allow us to do certain haircuts on them. We have 4 they would like us to do if possible, but that doesn't mean we can't do four long layers haircuts, just that we should try to get a variety if possible.


It's emoville in my house tonight. Clearly. The saturation in these pictures makes me hair look reddy/orange. Particularly in this last photo. Oddly enough that's close to the colour I will be dying it when I finally get to!! W00T.


I get nervous even cutting my own hair. I get scissor happy sometimes. Tonight could have very easily been one of those nights. So you can imagine how nervous I am going to be when Danielle walks into the salon and sits down in my chair with her gorgeously beautiful long virgin hair and I have to take my scissors to it! I know I will do just fine but it's still terrifying none the less. I mean really we'll probably only do 10 more haircuts before we start on people.

Tomorrow is day 14 of 37 and a nice visit to the chiropractor. I'm going to get some sleep now because tomorrow will be one looong day.

It'll Be The Best Bush You'll Ever Eat

I have been trying to study for two nights now and both nights I have failed miserably. But I feel it's excusable. Although tonight I also ended up at IKEA for 50 cent hotdogs and random items. I got some cookie cutters shaped like a moose, a squirrel, a snail, a bear, a fox, and what appears to be a bush. I also got a placemat for my station at school, some hooks to hang my necklaces and scarves/belts on, and some new glasses.

I've been talking to my friend Jon for the last two nights. It's been awhile since we've had the chance to sit down and have a good long conversation. It's amazed me to see how he's been doing. Things have been going quite well for him. He's currently in Vanderhoof where he surprised his mom for her birthday. He proceeded to make her a gigantic turkey dinner today and has just been hanging out with his family.

He's living on the Island and he'll be back in Vancouver on Monday for some more scans. Due to his cancer being in his spine and the fact that it's such a rare condition his doctors are trying to figure out how to go about treating it. They've been conferencing back and forth with other doctors in Europe, Asia, and of course the US in hopes of finding a good course of treatment.

Hopefully they figure that out soon.

I love him though. He's the sweetest person ever. We took a little trip down memory lane yesterday and laughed about the time when he showed up at my highschool and my principal thought he was some crazy person that might try to abduct me haha. My principal wouldn't let him see me, he made me come down to the office and then asked me in front of Jon "do you know this person?" and when I said yes he finally allowed us to leave the office.

Throughout Jons chemo I didn't get to visit him. I tried to ask his girlfriend or family when I could see him but it was hard to get a response since they were really busy and stuff. I was worried that maybe he didn't want any visitors or that maybe his family didn't so I decided it was best to not upset anyone. Situations like that can be really sensitive for families. I did however see him on his first day of chemo which literally was the day after his brain surgery and I brought him a Teddy Bear and a guitar magazine. I didn't even stop to think about the fact that his family is crazy religious and when I walked in I said to him "I brought you a really fucking gay bear." ... Somehow his family really likes me he said. His mom asked him who he was talking to last night and when he said "Marlee" ... she responded with "is that the sailor girl?" HAHA... Ahhh I love it. But even with the swearing she told him she thinks I am a very "nice girl." hahaha.

As gay as that bear was though he said he loved it. He said he slept with it every night in the hospital cause it felt nice on his face. The nurses all made fun of him for it and he still slept with the thing. It made me so happy knowing that it meant that much to him though.

Throughout his treatment I would write him before each round of chemo. Sometimes it didn't say much except "I love you and I'm praying for you" and sometimes I would tell him a story. I wasn't sure if he ever got the e-mails but he told me tonight that he got every one of them and would read them over and over before each treatment.

It is nice to know that he still knew I loved him even though I wasn't there with him in person. I was worried that when I saw him on his first day of chemo that he might have felt like I was intruding or that his family would feel like that but he said he said they were all very happy that I was there for him and more importantly he was very happy to see me. It had been about 3 years since we'd last seen eachother.

We finally talked about how he feels about everything too. Whether or not he's afraid or what. He said something that I seriously want to put on a friggen t-shirt because it is genius. His exact words:

"Cancer is my bitch."

I love it. It's probably offensive to some but I think it's the perfect attitude to have when you're going through what he is. He said his cancer isn't terminal and when I asked how they know when it's terminal and when it's not and he said "cause I don't feel like it is." ... another response I loved.

He's making progress. Slowly but surely. I don't know how this is all going to end up but I have huge faith in it all right now. His body is very sick but his mind definitely says differently. Whatever the case I am very lucky to have known him for as long as I have.

On a somewhat unrelated note though... Jon sent me this video and you should watch it because it's awesome. You can totally see the ending coming but none the less it's still hilarious.

I had my first visit with the chiropractor today. My back has been sore all week and it's gotten worse the last couple of days. He asked me if I've been getting any headaches, which weirded me out because I have had a headache for three days straight. I didn't think anything of it but he said it was the inflammation in my back creeping up to my neck and head. My middle upper back all the way up to my neck is inflamed and all messed up. I have to go back twice a week for the next couple of months and then the visits will start to become more spaced out.

I also took my car into ICBC yesterday to get their estimate done. They estimated it at about 3500 bucks. My car is going to be in the shop for about a week getting fixed. I should know in a couple a week or two when liability has been accepted and I can take my car into the shop, get the deductible waved and everything goes straight to ICBC.

Oh how sweet it will be to fix that god awful ugly bumper. I feel like people are staring at me like I rear ended someone, because that's exactly what it looks like. I feel like I should put a sign on my car that says "I DIDN'T REAR END ANYONE, SOMEONE CUT ME OFF AND I HIT THEM HEAD ON!" ... I feel like it's less embarrassing haha.

Goodnight world.

Get Your Shit Together Judy!

My life is extremely boring these days. I'm so busy but my time is completely consumed by work and school. So in other words my blog will be lacking material for some time to come. I am trying to keep up with it the best I can but when I'm not doing much in my personal life it makes it difficult to blog!

I do have a couple of nights to look forward to in the upcoming weeks. I have been avoiding going out on weekends though lately and will continue to do so through the rest of my course. I am exhausted at the end of my school days because it's a 12 hour day on my feet with only one half hour lunch break and a 10 minute break at some other point in the day. I am quite surprised at how much it takes out of you. You're absorbing information all day so not only are you physically exhausted but you are mentally exhausted too. Basically when I get home I just want to go to bed. On top of that I just really want to make sure that I am on the ball in class so I don't fall behind or do poorly. It's very important for me to do well in this.

BUT... That being said, this Saturday is the lovely Miss Quan's birthday extravaganza. I am highly looking forward to this because it'll be nice to have a night out with good company and nothing to worry about. I don't plan on getting loser pissed (sorry Alicia, I'm leaving that up to you :) I'm sure you'll take care of it for me haha) since I'll have to get up early and my liver already hates me, but I'll go out and have a couple drinks and have a good time! I can't wait to see my lovely lady friends again. <3

The weekend after that I have been invited to a co-workers birthday which is also going to be extremely fun. I can't even tell you how excited I am for that one because it's a flapper themed party and if you've been reading my blog for awhile or know me at all you will know that the flapper era (1920's/1930's) is my absolute FAVOURITE thing ever. Costumes are mandatory. I love this particular co-worker too. She's one of my favourite people in the office. She's one of those people that are just so naturally witty. I'm always jealous of witty people. I wish I was clever enough to be hilarious ALL the time but I just don't seem to have that in me. I do however think I'm pretty frickin funny.

My last few weekends have strictly been dedicated to school. I finally took a couple of pictures but I probably won't be taking many more pictures of the dreaded mannequin head just because I hate her so much. They're called "Judy Dolls" ... They have the worst hair ever to cut or style. It is like cutting your barbies hair but in a larger scaled version of course. It's poked into the head and sticks straight out when it gets even remotely short. This was the last length we cut where it could possibly even look half decent.

This was my Blunt Bob. I love blunt bobs. They're just so clean and precise.

Excuse the crazy wave at the front. I promise you her hair isn't uneven it just wasn't straightened and Judy has crazy wavy hair. I round-brushed her hair quite quickly so it's not overly sexy on the one side.

This next haircut is the Hard Edge Bob. It's slightly graduated. Again, this was only round brush blowdryed and not straightened so it doesn't look "perfect" but that's half the fun of it too. :)

Our Judy's look pretty hideous now. We did the dreaded soft edge bob which was just, ugh I don't even know how to explain how frustrating that haircut was. Our instructors tell us it is one of the most difficult (if not the most difficult) haircut to do... I can tell you now that I have a MAJOR appreciation to my hairdresser for all the soft edges she did on me that she didn't screw up cause man are they hard to do.

I also did the colour on my mannequin. I should take a "before" picture of Judy too one of these days. She's pretty gnarly looking. Reddish brown hair with grey hair and threads in there. It's gross.

So that's been my life lately. This week is another hectic week. I actually came home on my lunch hour today to grab a bite to eat and I cleaned the kitchen while I was at it. It's pretty sad but I don't even have time to clean. I desperately need to sweep, mop, and vaccuum which will be tonights task. As well as the bathroom needs a good scrub down. Tomorrow I will do my bedroom then I should be all caught up again which will make me feel much better.

Tomorrow after work I have to go to ICBC to get an estimate done on my car. Thursday I have an appointment with the chiropractor to get my back checked out. I've been quite sore since the accident so I'm going to be very cautious and keep an eye on things. I won't be going to the doctors to get it looked at because they never tell you anything anyways. The last time I got in an accident they told me I was fine when in fact I'd actually torn all the muscles on the right side of my spine from my lower back to my middle back (about 5-6 vertibrae distance.)

I also am going to be doing overtime at the office to make up for some of my sick days and so I can take another day and a half off to go home for Christmas. I can't wait to get home to my family.

My next day off won't be until the 23rd of December so it's going to be one hell of a crazy month. I can say though that I am finally eating normally again, I haven't thrown up for about 4 or 5 days now, and I'm even sleeping better. I also have started to get closer with some of the girls I'm in class with which is really awesome too. I am quite happy with the last few days (minus the car accident and the flu but even that is turning out to be okay so far.)

I'm so glad I'm doing this. It's going to be the best thing I could have ever done for myself. It's nice when you fall in love with something and then finally get to work it into your life. And I won't lie, I feel pretty damn cool when I've got my scissors in one hand and I'm whippin them in and out of my hand... I'm getting all suave with them... but I REALLY need to get over the comb dropping business cause that -- not so suave.

So Irritated.

Well... This week is quite the shit parade.

I haven't left my house since I dropped of Krista at the ferry on Wednesday afternoon. I have zero food and really needed to get some groceries.

Due to this flu I decided it best to keep myself quarantined to my bedroom but given the fact that I had no food in my house I decided this afternoon as I've started to feel quite a bit better that I would take a quick trip over to the grocery store so I could pick up a few things.

Imagine my excitement when I got into an accident on the way to the fucking store.

I was in the left hand lane going north, and he was in the left hand lane going south. Apparently the guy in my right hand lane had slowed down to let this guy turn left. That's fine and dandy but at the end of the day YOU DON'T FUCKING TURN LEFT IF PEOPLE IN ONE LANE HAVEN'T STOPPED!!! Fuck. I didn't even see the guy that was "slowing to let him turn left" ... There were cars lined up behind that guy but they weren't at a complete stop it just looked like someone was turning right onto Union.

So even though I hadn't even remotely slowed down (no I wasn't speeding by the way as it was rush hour and speeding is impossible at that time) the guy decided he was going to start turning left anyways. Just as he starts to turn left I slam on my breaks and veer to the left to try to avoid the accident as much as possible. However, there was no avoiding this. My antilocks kicked in and I slammed right into him.

I shook my head in complete and utter disappointment then proceeded to put my hazards on and got out of my car. We picked a place to pull over and got our cars off the road. We got out again, exchanged the basic information - license plate, drivers license number, name, and phone numbers. I wrote down the place of the accident and the time and we left it at that. I'll phone ICBC and make a claim because I'm not even remotely going to try to deal with this outside of ICBC. I already know the guy is going to try to pull the "but the other person was going to let me turn left..." stunt.

Oh and ps thank you to my airbags for not deploying. I'm starting to wonder if my airbags are fucking defective or something because they probably should have gone off today but they did not. That's probably a good thing though because it would have done more damage than good but still, makes you wonder.

Anyways, I'm hoping that this will all somehow get settled easily. I don't have the fucking patience for this shit right now. Not one bit. Even my radiator is bent which is going to be quite expensive to fix. Not to mention that my entire bumper will need to be replaced, along with the shock absorber pad, and theres scratches on the hood of my car as well so that will all need to be repainted, aaaaand one of my headlights (just the outter case) is busted as well. Who even knows what underlying damage there is.

Fuck I just really didn't need this right about now. Really really really didn't. Here's to hoping I don't wake up with a messed up back again. I swear if anything else happens to my back I'm going to fly off the effing handle. I'm already a little sore but who knows what I'll feel like tomorrow. I'm just a little shakey right now. I made sure that before I even asked how either of our vehicles were to ask if everyone in his car was okay and I asked if he had any kids in the car and he said no. Thank GOD for that because I don't know what I would have done had there been children in the vehicle. I would have felt so awful even though this wasn't my fault.

Fuck Off Fever

I have been sleeping all morning. I've got a fever and feel like I'm going to puke all over the place.

This.Sucks.

It sucks because I've been throwing up almost every day for the last week so the last thing I need is to top it all off with a lovely side of flu.

There's literally only been one day that I haven't thrown up in the past week which sucks. Every morning I've woken up sick to my stomach and the first thing I do every day is throw up. Then usually after that I'm okay but occasionally the sick feeling carries on at work and I'll throw up there too.

On Tuesday night I went to the Matt Good concert with PatZ, Danielle, Chad, Krista, Alicia and Adam. This was my only night for getting to see Pat before he left. We started off with dinner at the Ciavarro's and then sauntered on over to the concert. We met up with Krista there and then we dispersed into our seats seeing as how we were all sitting in different areas. I didn't take any pictures because they said "no cameras" and my camera isn't one of those small ones that you could possibly sneak in so I just left it at home.

After the concert we were all going over to library square to surprise Adam for his birthday. We were meeting up with a bunch of people there and Adam definitely had no clue so it worked out perfectly. Poor Alicia was so nervous about the whole thing all day so she was glad to get there and get the surprise over with.

I had a decent time there although I was extremely nervous the entire time I was there. I apologize if anyone thought I was being a bitch or anything of that sort. Basically, my ex was there and this week I have been avoiding him like the plague. I've decided that it's best for me not to talk to him or see him at this time until I get past whatever it is I'm going through. It might sound like an immature thing to do but I'm not trying to be some snotty little bitch, I'm just trying to do what's best for me. Right now what's best for me is distance. Hence why I've deleted him from my facebook and off of my blog list. I'm not ready to read some of the things he has to say since he's in a different place than I am and until I'm in that same place then this is what needs to be done.

So... seeing as how he was there I was very nervous the whole night and at one point I actually went and puked up my dinner. I tried to stay in other areas of the bar so that my nerves would stay at bay and so I could try to have a good time. As we were getting ready to leave though he pulled me aside to ask if we could be civil and I cut the conversation very short, it wasn't because I was trying to be a bitch it was because I was ready to throw up again and I didn't want to vomit on his face. So again, I apologize to everyone and anyone that I might have "snubbed off" that night in this manner and if Dario is reading this that apology also extends to him.

Basically I'm just trying to avoid drama right now. I don't know if it seems like it's just creating more or not, but I feel like if I just take a step back and quit trying to move ahead at a pace I'm not in tune with then it'll be better for everyone in the end.

Anyways, that's all I'm going to say about any of this anymore. I'm done talking about the whole situation. I'm going to be directing my focus on other things and try to continue on a happier note. There have been a lot of fun things going on lately so I will talk strictly about that from now on.

So anyways, back to the rest of the night. I am so glad that Adams surprise worked out (for Alicia's sake because she put so much effort into organizing everything) and that everyone seemed to have a good time. It was really great seeing Melissa, as per usual since I haven't seen her in awhile now! (That's a hint that we need to see eachother more often!)

It was nice to see Pat again too. Whether it be the hilarious conversation with him or just the fact that he is the root of every joke made. It was just nice. It's really too bad he has to live in lame-o Red Deer. He knows that Vancouver is really the place to be. Maybe after working in Red Deer for a few years he'll have that experience under his belt that could help him land a job in Vancouver, WHERE HE SHOULD BE.

Clearly I'm playing Captain Obvious today.

Anyways, I feel like crap and I should go back to laying in bed. I don't know which is worse, nervous sick or flu sick. Nervous sick sucks but once I puke I usually feel better. So I suppose flu sick is probably worse since it's accompanied with achy fevery pukey bullshit. Yugh.

Oh... we had our test on Monday and I got 100%. I also got 9/10 on my first blunt bob which was awesome. Thats the highest mark they'll give us on our haircuts right now so that we still have something to work towards. I love school, as busy as it is I absolutely love it. It is so awesome to be doing something again that I genuinely enjoy and love. We've moved onto colour theory now, we have our test in less than two weeks. This one will be one of the hardest chapters. So perhaps today while I lay in bed I'll do some studying.

Maybe It's Better With No Title

"It's easy to lose yourself when nothing around you keeps you grounded."

We start building our lives from the time we're born. Every day that goes by we make choices that begin mapping out our futures. As a child those choices are simple ones and are often made for us by our parents. But none the less we as children choose our friends, we choose which family members we are closest with, and we choose our favourite activities and sports. We choose which teachers we like and which ones we don't.

This is something that builds our character. It builds our being. We find our interests and we begin to dream. We find things that we like to do, we find things that we want to do, and we find the things we're not good at doing. It all comes with experimenting and learning from the outcome. Amongst that we also find the people we connect most with. I'm sure many of us once had best friends as kids that we are no longer friends with. This is an important component in our lives both as children and as adults. It teaches us of change and growth. So what do we do? We choose something new to help keep us grounded when the old things slip away.

I truly believe that there is one person or one thing, or even one God that keeps every one of us with our feet firmly planted on the ground even through our worst days.

Imagine having what keeps you grounded being very out of reach. So out of reach that you are only able to see that person(s), or do that activity maybe once every few months. Is it enough?

Sometimes.

What do you do with the rest of your time?

Well, my answer is simple. I lost myself during the rest of my time. I tried to find new things to keep me grounded and in doing so I lost everything I needed to keep my individuality. I adapted to what grounded someone else in their life because I no longer had what kept me grounded in mine. Well, it's not that I no longer had it so much as it wasn't as easy to see or feel every day.

Lately I've started thinking back to what it is or who it is that keeps me grounded. I don't believe that we as human beings are able to be fully grounded without something.

Family. That is what keeps me grounded. One small word, one big meaning.

Since I have moved away from them I have found it very difficult to find my place. I'm still searching for what I want to do with my life. I'm still trying to find where it is I want to be and what it is I want to be doing. What's happened though is that I'm finding a familiar person, a familiar soul so to speak. Along with that familiar soul I'm also finding comfort.

I've thought a lot about what keeps my feet planted ever so firmly.

So what is it?

It's laying on the couch cuddling with my little sister watching a movie, or reading her her favourite books when she was a baby. It's a phonecall home to my dad to cry out my shitty day and have him tell me "You will get through this." It's an "I love you too sweetie" from my mom paired with a 10 hour shopping spree that will kill my feet and any willpower I might have. It's being called a "loser" or "shorty" by my 'little' brother. It's a rear naked choke from my older brother that leaves me mercilessly fighting for air.

It's tobogganing with my cousin and sister. It's skating with one of my best friends. It's a game of aggrivation at my grandparents house. It's a game of monopoly filled with cheating aunts, cousins, siblings, parents, and grandparents. It's rummoli with a stepmom who can't figure out which card comes next, but also with a grandpa that calls the jacks "jecks."

It's hunting with my dad. It's a pregnancy test gone wrong with a best friend who couldn't generate enough pee for the thing. It's learning a new song or singing in my car. It's being crammed into one bed with my older brother and my dad and our cat in the basement of my aunties house. It's being called a duck by a loving friend. It's teaching my best friend as a child how to ride her bike, followed by puking in her underwear drawer and bailing in the middle of the night. It's doing the hair of one of my best friends for her wedding and then standing beside her as I watch her marry the love of her life.

The list goes on and on and on.

Those are the things that keep me grounded. Those are the things that make me smile and love my life. Those are the people that I not only want in my life but hope to always have in my life as well.

My life was built in a small little town in the middle of nowhere, buried under 5 feet of snow in ridiculously cold weather, and unfortunately a majority of it is still there even though I am here. So I tried to build a new one but went about it in all the wrong ways and ended up setting myself back big time.

I'll figure it out this time around. It's never easy but they say nothing good comes easy right?

Augustana - Found My Place

Balls Deep In Hair

It's been a major change of pace kind of weekend and all I can say is that the next 6 months are going to be a fucking gong show.

This weekend has been beyond busy. We're balls deep in cutting hair already and once the majority of the class has finished something we start moving onto the next thing. Even if you're not finished we start our next demo and you continue to plug along on your first task until it's finished, then you start on whatever's next.

It is a good busy though. It's exhausting in a way I can't even describe. My feet have never felt pain like they did this weekend... unless I've shopped with my mom in high heels for 2 days straight. I made the mistake of wearing heels on Saturday. While they never cause any problems for me if I'm up walking around it's a whole different story when you're standing in a pretty fixed place for 8 hours.

I get up at 7am to get ready for school, leave my house around 8am, get to school for 9, and am there until 5:30. By the time I get home it's about 6:30 which leaves me enough time to get some food in me, relax a little, do some studying, and get to sleep.

Tonight we have our first test and we didn't get our textbooks until Saturday morning so there hasn't been much time to study. Since Friday night I was only able to sleep for 40 minutes I came straight home from school, forced some food into me and then went to bed. I didn't even bother studying because of how tired I was. So last night was the only night I've had to study so I spent another half hour today re-reading the chapter.

Aside from the hectic schedule everything has been really fun and interesting. We got our kits on Saturday, which included a suitcase full of hair shit, a dufflebag full of more hair shit, and 4 mannequin heads. There were some extra things as well that weren't in our bags or suitcases.

It was like Christmas I will tell you that much. I could swim in the amount of hair crap I have now and I love it!

Saturday we did our first haircut, a blunt cut. Surprisingly I find it the most nerve wracking of our haircuts so far seeing as how it is a cut that highlights fuck ups. Yesterday we did three more haircuts, a long layers cut, another blunt cut, and then finished our day with a blunt bob. All three turned out awesome and I'm very pleased with my cutting abilities and with my time management. It's really exciting to finally be learning the techniques behind it all.

I managed to be the first person of the day yesterday to cut myself *hurray me!* haha. I didn't even want to own up to it even though I know that the most professional hairstylists cut themselves all the time. But as I secretly wandered around looking for bandaids about 4 other people fessed up to cutting themselves as well. Nothing like taking a pair of scissors and cutting a chunk of your fingers off. Mmmmm. Gross. I think by the end of the day almost everyone had cut themselves at least once.

All I need to do now is name my four mannequin heads.

I still have to do a halloween post but that's going to be put on hold for awhile longer yet since I'm just way too busy to do it at home. I might just end up skipping the post and putting the pictures up on facebook.

Time to get back to work now.

The Truth

It has been a very frustrating week or two and I have finally lost it. I've lost my composure and have allowed myself to fully break down.

It was something I've avoided and haven't wanted to do for numerous reasons. I didn't want to have some of those feelings surface because none of it feels good and it's exhausting. On top of it all it's added stress to my already stressful life.

I am exhausted with some people telling me what I should or shouldn't be feeling, or how I should and shouldn't be doing things. I am not hurting myself any further than I already am. Happiness comes over a course of time, it is not something that happens over night. I do enjoy the simple pleasures in life and I am able to have fun and enjoy myself. I'm not holding myself back from anything. The only thing I haven't allowed myself to do is scream and yell at one specific person, and that's now out of the way. What not everyone is understanding is that this IS too soon and I am not ready for certain things.

Last night ended in a very heated conversation with the ex. This was bound to happen eventually. I have tried to keep my negative feelings to myself for numerous reasons. I have wanted to avoid that whole topic as much as possible because I just haven't felt like it was necessary. It turns out that apparently it was. It's not that I have been avoiding venting, it's that the only person I want to "vent" to just so happens to be the person I am angry with and I wasn't ready to do that yet.

One of my reasons for this is I just don't feel good feeling angry feelings, but I also don't feel good when I share those feelings with others. I don't like saying bad things about people. I don't think anyone understands some of the lessons I was taught growing up. That old familiar phrase of "if you haven't anything nice to say, it's better to say nothing at all" comes into play here. While screaming at the top of your lungs or venting to someone can be therapeutic, it's not my ideal way of coping all the time. I have vented, I do vent, it is just to a very select few people who I trust and am comfortable talking to. I'm also trying to be as respectful as possible, something that clearly not everyone gets.

A lot of it to me is about being a better person than the other person. They expect you to get angry, they expect you to say rude things to them, they expect you to want to rip their face off. It's almost as if they need it to move on in their lives and often they don't know what to do when you don't get mad at them for the things they feel like you should. You can call it a pride issue if you want, but at the end of the day it has nothing to do with pride. It's simply about doing what I feel is comfortable and right for me. I have never screamed at someone even while dating them. I've just never been pushed to that point and why people feel the need to push me to that point is beyond me. It takes a lot for me to get to a point of rage. I get irritated, I get frustrated, but to finally break and yell at someone is something that rarely happens.

Last night ended up being a disaster. Hours of crying and wanting to rip someones throat out, and then hours of discussion with others after the fact.

At the end of the day, I got hurt. Someone made a pretty huge fuck up, and while I've made mine and I will openly admit to my faults, I don't think there is any arguing that the biggest fuck up of them all was made on the opposite persons behalf.

I wish some people would quit shrinking me and acting as if they know what's best for me. They didn't know then and they still don't know now. I'm not holding myself back from being happy. Sometimes it feels like everything seems to be about them, when they really have no idea how I'm actually feeling.

He stopped knowing me the day we ended. The person he knew is a very distant person now. There's been a lot to change in the past couple of months. The tables have turned, and unless someone ever puts him through this he will never know exactly how I feel. I don't care how much he tortured himself with his decisions. I understand he hurt too, I get that he had his own problems, but at the end of it all, he has no idea what it feels like on this side of the bridge. And I actually hope he never does because it's not fucking pleasant and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

I stopped living for him when we broke up and I started living for me. So whatever I am doing right now is being done FOR ME. Not for him, not for anyone else.

So I suppose the beast has been released. I do feel quite a lot better after last night. I don't feel better because I told him honestly how I've been feeling, because none of what I say or feel changes anything that's happened. What's done is done, it's just a matter of moving past it. But I feel better because it allowed me to come to terms with some more things and I talked it out with some good friends who I love and appreciate every little piece of.

The words "I broke up with you so that we could both be happy" keep going around and around in my head. I get that, but he's had a good 6 month jump start on working through his feelings. I will heal in my own time and I WILL be happy and I am quite happy even right now. As Alicia would say... I am not superwoman. There is some underlying anger that is there and I think it's there for some pretty damn good reason. I don't think anyone would come out of something like this and NOT be angry with how things were handled.

I have a lot of responsibility right now, a lot to work through, and I'm going through a lot more than he is. In the end I had a lot more to lose than he did, so how I heal is going to be a much more timely process. It's been a long week or two and I'm looking forward to a much better week now that this is over.

End of story.

School and What Not

I am postponing my Halloween post right now seeing as how I'm at work and my pictures to accompany the post are at home. I figured I would discuss my first day at school and my last couple of days instead.

On Monday I went to class after I got off work. I left work an hour early since we had to be at school earlier than usual to pay for our kits and tuition. This was great because it gave us all some time to meet and get to know one another a little bit.

We have some really awesome girls in our class. There are a few that I'm sure will get on my nerves though and I can see it already. It really bothers me when I see girls taking courses just because they don't know what else to do or because their parents signed them up. Which is the case with one 19 year old girl in there. She's nice and everything but she says she doesn't even want to do this but her parents signed her up while she was in Australia. I WISH my parents would sign me up for school while I was off galavanting around in another country!!

There are a couple of moms in our class. I believe a total of four. One in particular is really sweet. She is from Fort St. John. She's 31 and has 3 daughters and will be travelling to Vancouver every week... Yes you heard that correctly. She is going to fly here every friday night, and then fly back to Fort St. John every Tuesday morning. She's not sure if she's going to last the entire 6 months though. She already almost dropped out when she got here and I don't blame her one bit. What she is doing is going to be extremely exhausting. Travelling in the winter months on a weekly basis from Fort St. John of all places is a fucking disaster. Her flights will be cancelled and delayed so frequently.

We had about an hour before class to get acquainted so we all talked about where we were from and what made us decide to do the course etc. I learned that there's quite a few girls in there that already work at salons so they're a little more familiar with some of the things but that's okay. It'll be a lot of fun.

We have a few instructors. I think we have 4 instructors, maybe 5 even? I can't remember now. One of our instructors is an incredible stylist and teacher. He has been in the industry since the early 80's and has worked in london, scotland, and in canada. He's really awesome. I think he will only be our instructor once a week though.

"You will learn the rules, and then you will learn the ways to break them."

That was something he told us. He told us a lot of things actually that I found extremely interesting. We discussed a bit of how to interact with your client and he touched on a few things clients will say or do and we are supposed to just let the client feel as though they are right and/or smart haha. We talked a bit about products and our course outline. Did a half assed shampoo demo and then we were let out of class early.

We were going to get our textbooks but they are buried underneath all of our kits which we don't get until Saturday so now we will get our textbooks on Saturday as well. Which kind of sucks because we have a test on Monday already.

We also do our first haircut on Saturday so that's exciting. Then in 6 weeks we will be having "friends and family week" so don't be cutting your hair or dying it cause I might need some of you as models!!

It's going to be a lot of fun and I'm getting more and more excited about it each day!

There is a no denim policy in the school so and seeing as how it's winter I decided I would go get a few things for class (tights and/or dress pants since I won't be wearing any skirts with bare legs) ... I went to Forever 21 last night and fuck my life that store is going to be the death of me and my wallet! SO much cute stuff and nothing is expensive. The most expensive item I saw in there was 51 bucks.

These were my favourite purchases by far. The coat was 41. The necklace on the left was 10 and the one on the right was 5. SO cheap.


I'm going to take it easy both tonight and tomorrow night and then on Friday Mr. Pat Zaph will arrive so it's cambie time. I will not be partaking in the drinking that evening though seeing as how I have to be up at 7am the next day and there is 0 tolerance for lateness in our class. If you're late 4 times you get kicked out.

It's going to be a crazy 6 months but I am SO excited that it's finally started.