Maybe It's Better With No Title

"It's easy to lose yourself when nothing around you keeps you grounded."

We start building our lives from the time we're born. Every day that goes by we make choices that begin mapping out our futures. As a child those choices are simple ones and are often made for us by our parents. But none the less we as children choose our friends, we choose which family members we are closest with, and we choose our favourite activities and sports. We choose which teachers we like and which ones we don't.

This is something that builds our character. It builds our being. We find our interests and we begin to dream. We find things that we like to do, we find things that we want to do, and we find the things we're not good at doing. It all comes with experimenting and learning from the outcome. Amongst that we also find the people we connect most with. I'm sure many of us once had best friends as kids that we are no longer friends with. This is an important component in our lives both as children and as adults. It teaches us of change and growth. So what do we do? We choose something new to help keep us grounded when the old things slip away.

I truly believe that there is one person or one thing, or even one God that keeps every one of us with our feet firmly planted on the ground even through our worst days.

Imagine having what keeps you grounded being very out of reach. So out of reach that you are only able to see that person(s), or do that activity maybe once every few months. Is it enough?

Sometimes.

What do you do with the rest of your time?

Well, my answer is simple. I lost myself during the rest of my time. I tried to find new things to keep me grounded and in doing so I lost everything I needed to keep my individuality. I adapted to what grounded someone else in their life because I no longer had what kept me grounded in mine. Well, it's not that I no longer had it so much as it wasn't as easy to see or feel every day.

Lately I've started thinking back to what it is or who it is that keeps me grounded. I don't believe that we as human beings are able to be fully grounded without something.

Family. That is what keeps me grounded. One small word, one big meaning.

Since I have moved away from them I have found it very difficult to find my place. I'm still searching for what I want to do with my life. I'm still trying to find where it is I want to be and what it is I want to be doing. What's happened though is that I'm finding a familiar person, a familiar soul so to speak. Along with that familiar soul I'm also finding comfort.

I've thought a lot about what keeps my feet planted ever so firmly.

So what is it?

It's laying on the couch cuddling with my little sister watching a movie, or reading her her favourite books when she was a baby. It's a phonecall home to my dad to cry out my shitty day and have him tell me "You will get through this." It's an "I love you too sweetie" from my mom paired with a 10 hour shopping spree that will kill my feet and any willpower I might have. It's being called a "loser" or "shorty" by my 'little' brother. It's a rear naked choke from my older brother that leaves me mercilessly fighting for air.

It's tobogganing with my cousin and sister. It's skating with one of my best friends. It's a game of aggrivation at my grandparents house. It's a game of monopoly filled with cheating aunts, cousins, siblings, parents, and grandparents. It's rummoli with a stepmom who can't figure out which card comes next, but also with a grandpa that calls the jacks "jecks."

It's hunting with my dad. It's a pregnancy test gone wrong with a best friend who couldn't generate enough pee for the thing. It's learning a new song or singing in my car. It's being crammed into one bed with my older brother and my dad and our cat in the basement of my aunties house. It's being called a duck by a loving friend. It's teaching my best friend as a child how to ride her bike, followed by puking in her underwear drawer and bailing in the middle of the night. It's doing the hair of one of my best friends for her wedding and then standing beside her as I watch her marry the love of her life.

The list goes on and on and on.

Those are the things that keep me grounded. Those are the things that make me smile and love my life. Those are the people that I not only want in my life but hope to always have in my life as well.

My life was built in a small little town in the middle of nowhere, buried under 5 feet of snow in ridiculously cold weather, and unfortunately a majority of it is still there even though I am here. So I tried to build a new one but went about it in all the wrong ways and ended up setting myself back big time.

I'll figure it out this time around. It's never easy but they say nothing good comes easy right?

Augustana - Found My Place