Drop trow and lay down, this is how the big boys get down.

My day didn't quite end up being exactly how I expected it today. It started with going to work and leaving before I even got out of the truck, and ending up at the doctors. This story is probably a little TMI but oh well! I find it all amusing.

So I'm not sure how this ended up happening but for years I've had a cyst on my tailbone. They say that it can be caused from trauma to the area so we'll go with that. It's normally not an issue but every once in awhile it gets all pissed off and becomes a bit uncomfortable. It has been quite some time since it's bothered me but a few days ago it decided that it'd be really fucking awesome to become angry and cause me immense amounts of pain. Pain to the point where if I lie on my back it makes me want to grab my spine and rip it out of me.

Not only does it hurt but I look like I've got a big D up my A. Talk about awesome.

So this morning I dropped Kohlby off at his shop and then drove his truck to my shop to start my shift. When I went to get out of the truck I had finally had enough. I had to face it. It was time to go to the doctor and drop trow.

After a little mini adventure I get to the clinic and they tell me I have to wait an hour. So I wait and wait and I see this male doctor walk by. Of course I'm going to get the friggen man doctor. Oooofff cooourse. So what does this mean? Not only does this poor asshole have to stare at my ass but now a woman doctor also has to be present.

I'm already embarrassed enough so I couldn't help but make some awkward jokes... I tend to do that when I'm nervous. I mean first the guy asks me if I want to bend over or lay down... Fuck. So after telling him I didn't care he made me lie on my stomach. So here I am, face down, ass up, pants down and ready to die of embarrassment. So as he starts to poke my tailbone/ass crack to the point where I'm almost crying in pain I can see the look of awkwardness on the other nurses face. So while brown guy is pretty much staring at my brown eye I look at the nurse and say, "enjoying your day yet?" haha like WTF who says something like that?!

So after all of that I thank the nurse for her time while she excuses herself and the doctor stays behind to say "you're going to have to go to the hospital for some xrays and/or soft tissue imaging." Fucking great. Now I've gotta go bareass at the hospital. Rad.

So I drive myself over to the hospital and get put on the supertrack (which was crazy fast for the record.) I get taken into a room and I'm asked to take off my pants, put on a hospital gown so my ass hangs out (like really? Is that even necessary?) and lay back down on my stomach. Let round two of face down, ass up begin. Not only that but the girl starts asking me a bunch of questions... My favourite being "well what does the area look like?" ... Lady, the fuckin cyst is literally tucked into the top of my ass crack at the base of my tailbone. I don't know if you've ever tried to get a good look at that area but it turns out, I don't fucking bend that way. So to answer the question, no I can't say I know what it looks like back there.

So it's about this time another doctor comes in and does his thing. Pokes my tailbone and orders up some laughing gas cause he's now going to cut out the cyst. The nurse comes back in with some laughing gas and meanwhile I'm thinking in my head "oh my god the only thing that would make this situation worse is if I started laughing and accidentally farted." ... Thankfully for everyones sake that never happened.

Now I'm all hopped up on laughing gas which I so wish I had at my house cause man did I enjoy it. I started getting the giggle and then he jabbed a needle into my pissed off cyst to freeze the area. Finally he gets rid of the stupid thing and he makes me hold gauze on my ass to stop the bleeding. "make sure you put lots of pressure so it stops." do you know how hard it is to lay on your stomach and give yourself a fucking reach-around? And then he leaves me there for another ten minutes! Then of course while I'm trying to hold my now bleeding ass crack my glasses fall on the floor. Are you fucking kidding me?

Finally I get the fuck outta dodge and head to the pharmacy to get antibiotics where no word of a lie she tells me that if I drink while on these it will be like my worst hangover times 10. "you could always start them after the weekend... Haha. Ps make sure you use a condom! These ones will reduce the efficiency of your IUD." ...

Wow. Not what I had planned for today. At all. So glad i'm done with all of that and back home with a fucking bandaid on my ass. Worst morning/afternoon ever.