E-mails and one liners from Grandma

I passed out at 10 and woke up at 3am. So I watched Aladdin and now I'm reading old e-mails from my Grandma. I thought I would share a few of my favourites:

Hah! You beat him to the draw! My God, they sure throw the tests at you. It's not like high school, huh? I was so lucky with Corbin's gift. He and Haley collect webkins and I got him one he didn't have. He's pretty happy to be 6. Haley is 8. How to make a person feel old! Haven't talked to Ellen since Tues. but am going to try and convince her to go for the dye test. It's the only way to find out for sure what's going on. There's more to it then weight. If she had a stroke, Garry wouldn't be much use to her. I am sick of everything I cook so today I'm making an old Norwegian concoction. It's not hard, just takes all frigging day. Spencer says the C.B.C. is in the Fort to do a piece on the economy there. Can you say toilet? Who the hell watches C.B.C. anyhow? That's the grumblings from here, love, Gramma.


Your Dad scooped you on the marks you got. He had to phone! I don't know how you can get the math. I didn't understand geometry or algebra until I went for my G.E.D. Anyhow, good on you. Where do you go in a canoe? Is there any small waters near? That Dad of yours is pretty wily. He asked Josh in front of Cheryl, if he thought a boat would be fun. Josh was all for it so Spencer figures he's got it made! Ellen was so happy when she heard you wanted her e-mail address. She's on her way alone today. Hope everything turns out okay. Garry got called in to work as a young fellow employee had heart surgery and can't hack work yet. That was more important. I could say something but am trying to tone down my potty mouth! I know I'm not your typical grandmother.I'm not going to the track today as the air is not so good, from our big fires. More people out of a job. It's nice to be retired! I'm living like the Indians, on government checks! Anyhow, I will let you know how Ellen makes out as soon as I hear. Love, Gramma.


Guess Cheryl had quite a time with the garage sale yesterday. People came before she was ready and were into everything.It doesn't matter what time you say everyone thinks they're going to get the jump on things. You need three people just to watch the frigging Indians. I'm not predjudiced, just telling it like it is! Well, got some running around to do so that's it for now. Love to you and Dario, Gramma.


And my personal favourite:


Thank you for the card and wishes. You know you're old when going braless takes the lines out of your face. I've gotten lots of cards, money, scratch tickets,(no winners),phone call from an old friend at Barriere, e-mail from neices in Sask. and Victoria so haven't felt neglected. Ellen sent a plate with a raised flower on it from one of the craft places there. It is shaped like a leaf. Yesterday I diddled around til I made room for it. Notice how I have cleaned up my language. Fucking awesome, right?It's a free supper at the Caribou tonight. More like afternoon, as Garry wants to go at 4.30. No wonder he has to eat again before bedtime. Well, better go see what expandible clothes I can get into. Love you, Gramma.