Nice To See You Again Stress, It's Been Awhile

Naturally in our lives everything ends up changing at some point or another. You make new friends, you change careers, you get married, you have a family, maybe get divorced, whatever the case, things are constantly changing.

What is astonishing to me though is how quickly everything has changed in my life in the last year. Especially in the last 7 months.

Can you believe that? I have been single for almost 7 months. Where has the time gone? It doesn't feel like it's been that long at all. For the most part it still feels like that all happened just a few weeks ago.

I've been too busy to really even stop and breathe until recently though and I think that's why it seems like it hasn't been that long. Everything is changing yet again and until everything is more solidified I am choosing not to go public about certain things, even though word has gotten out to a few people. This is probably the first time in my life where I haven't had my life be a complete open book. It seems unusual but the privacy is nice.

I am nearing the end of my course already and I don't even remotely feel ready yet. We have 9 weeks left. Nine frigging weeks. It's actually terrifying because just yesterday we were shown something we probably should have learned in the first week or two of class. Whenever that happens you get that initial feeling of "what the fuck, if we're only JUST learning this how in the hell are we going to be ready to find a job in 2 months?" The thought of entering a salon atmosphere as an apprentice is very intimidating even though I am one of the top students in my class. I know I am talented but I feel so inexperienced compared to all of those I'm about to start working along side of. I know they won't judge too incredibly much because there's always a learning curve, especially in this industry, but that doesn't make it any less nerve-wracking.

Fact of the matter is: you're never ready... not for anything in life. I don't care who you are or what anyone says, you are never fully prepared for anything life throws at you.

For the last month or two I haven't been worrying about much. I should be but for some reason I'm not. I'm not quite sure why my demeanor has all of a sudden changed like this but it has been nice to take a break from my typical stressed out self. But tonight it's ever so conveniently kicking me in the face and sending me that good old, "wake the fuck up," call. Nice to see you again stress, it's been awhile.

For the first time in a long time I can genuinely say I am very content with things for the most part. I feel much happier, I even think I look much happier. I see it in my pictures now where it was definitely absent for quite some time. I'm still working on finding a balance in my life and it's not something that's easy to do. It frustrates me that things seem to bounce from one extreme to the other, but perhaps that's just my Libra side coming into play. One day I will figure it out.

Originally, I resorted back to a lot of my old ways and my old self. I'm still figuring my shit out if I'm going to be honest. No I'm not perfect, not even close. I look in the mirror now and I see a completely different person though than I saw a year ago. I see a completely different person now than I saw even 6 months ago for that matter. I'm sure even all of you readers can see the change by now (if you've been reading long enough.) I feel as though when you go through such a significant change in your life you resort to what you know best (even if it's not a good thing) because it's what you know and what you are comfortable with. I definitely did that at first and am still coming around now. I've got more values than before, more morals, but I'm still doing some of the same old crap I used to and I need to get my shit together.

I've gone from my medium length blonde hair to short nearly black hair. I've made many new friends and don't see the people I used to see most nearly as often now. I've found my outgoing self again where I'll talk to just about anyone at any time. I even dress differently now.

The only thing that hasn't changed for me in the last year is where I live. Who I've lived with has changed 3 times now since June though and I have a feeling it will change again not far from now. I think my new roommate is great and we get along incredibly well... but she practically lives at her boyfriends house (she's probably spent one week of the month here so far) and so I'm sure it's only a matter of time before she realizes its impractical to pay rent here when she's barely ever here.

Relationship status, jobs, roommates, transit, school, friends, and a great deal of my personality and values... those are all of the things that have changed quite drastically in the last year. There's few things that have stayed the same.

I guess I'm just having one of those nights where I for some reason am reflecting and realizing all of the differences. I think considering everything that's happened I have adapted quite well to my new life. Every so often though I get that "holy shit" feeling and I become overwhelmed by everything that's happened.

It's been a year for the books for sure. I think this has been the most difficult period of my life but I know it will also be the most rewarding. It is already shaping up to be that way.

William Fitzsimmons - Everything Has Changed