She's Back

I am back and I am onto happier and better things for the most part.

I've taken a weeks break from the blog and took an entire weekend away from the internet all together. I tried to check my e-mail on Sunday night at my dads but gave up when his computer became the worlds biggest piece of shit ever. I won't lie, the not blogging thing became difficult the second I said I was going to take a break. It seemed like as soon as I decided I wasn't going to blog, I wanted to or had things to say. However I forced myself not to because I thought it would be nice to just collect my own thoughts.

I feel more rejuvinated now that things are starting to get sorted out.

I have started writing down a list of goals I'm setting for myself. Instead of doing the usual "I want to lose 15lbs." I'm actually giving things a time frame.

IE: Goal number one: I want to learn how to play piano by July 14, 2009. (Exactly one year from today.)

I have always wanted to learn how to play piano and have always loved it so I thought, why not try it out? So I am going to see what I can do to learn how to play, so if there's anyone reading this that knows how to play and wants to teach me I would love to learn!

While writing down your goals is one thing, to be realistic I will also need to write down the challenges I may face while trying to achieve those goals. For the example I just gave you, one challenge may be "Lessons are expensive." With every challenge I come up with I will also write down a solution to that challenge. In turn preparing myself for the things I may endure, all the while being realistic and aware of what can happen.

Basically I am in the process of a personal overhaul. I have given up a lot of things that I used to really enjoy, and I have forgotten about the things I used to want. I am reminding myself of who I am and the things I enjoy doing. There are so many things that I need to do and want to do that I've decided I would start compiling a list as I think of them.

I am going to take a trip to Fort by myself at some point in the next year since I have only been back twice on my own. I want a week/weekend where I am strictly responsible for myself and can do the things that I want to do.

I am going to spend some time getting to know ME again.

For the first time since May I am talking to my friend Jon. It's nice because as much as I've tried finding out how he's doing, I've been getting no response from his family/friends/girlfriend. Things have gotten much worse. He has another tumour in his brain but they can't operate on it safely, if they were to he could lose all functions on his left side of his body so they're going to do radiation to shrink it. He had his testicle removed. They've found cancer in his spine now so they are trying to figure out how to go about treating that since it's quite rare. They have to operate on both of his lungs, then his stomach, then he might be losing a kidney. I asked him if he ever gets scared. He says he does once in awhile, usually before surgery, but aside from that not really. He said that before he got cancer he always felt like cancer was a weak disease and that it wasn't anything to be afraid of, he says his misconceptions of it are what keeps him tough. I told him "whatever works" ...

He makes me laugh because he asks me how my surgery went and how I'm feeling. He always worries about me even when he's going through crap like what he is going through right now, then he asks me "is there anything I can do to help you?" so I replied "sure there is, we can spend some fuckin time together you asshole!" haha. He's back at the beginning of August so I should finally be able to see him then. He's going to drive down with his car so he'll be able to do his own thing while he's here too.

He's lost 50lbs since being in the hospital which is friggen NUTS. He tells me, and I quote: "it was mostly my testicle that fucker weighed at least 10 lbs was huge cause i am such a man." HAHA. I just about pissed myself laughing. Now our conversation has moved to how he wanted to play golf with his golf ball sized brain tumour and how he should be allowed to since afterall it is HIS tumour. He grew it himself he should be able to do with it what he wants haha.

Knowing that at least no matter what is going on in his life he is always in good spirits puts me at ease. While I know his condition is in the shitter to the max right now, at least when you do talk to him it's not the most depressing thing ever. He's still himself which I love.

In other news... I am currently working on this growing of hair business. I have some styles to aspire to so I can at least feel a little more motivated. I need a trim right now pretty badly. The back is getting too thick and bulky, it's quite gross. I might just see if I can stick it out though but I donno. It's been 3 months since my last haircut... So here are some inspirational hair pictures for me to look back on in the next few weeks when I want to chop it all off!






I will blog about my weekend in FSJ as soon as Dario is done uploading pictures. I didn't take any because I was too busy to use a camera so I will be stealing Dario's pictures. So, I will be back in a couple of days. Tomorrow I am going to some pub with Ashley and her friends to play music bingo. Should be interesting!