Right in the Money Pooper

I have yet to blog about Day 2 of camping... and I promise I will just I can't right now seeing as I'm not at home and it'll take far too long to do at work.

I'm really tired today. I had trouble sleeping last night. I'm not sure why. Instead of an alarm clock beeping, I have it set to radio when it goes off in the morning. It weirded me out this morning because there was a girl named Danielle playing stump the show but I heard the name long before they played the game and in that time I'd fallen back asleep and started dreaming about it and in my dream it was Danielle C. playing and yadda yadda. (It wasn't actually her... at least I wouldn't think it would be as it was 7am and I don't think Danielle gets up that early!) Just a random weird thing. That's the second time that's happened now, they said the name "Mark" on the radio the other morning and were talking about a Father's Day Poem and blah blah I thought it was my friend Mark they were talking about because yet again I was half asleep. Then I fell asleep and dreamt I was trying to call him to tell him they were talking about him on the radio.

Basically it's really fuckin weird. I should probably just switch it to the beep but I really hate waking up to annoying alarm clocks. I'd rather the music that makes me go crazy apparently.

I've been feeling very "meh" the last few days. I'm highly irritated and stressed right now. I've cut up my visa so I can't use it anymore because I've started to wrack it up again. 6 months of being off work out of the last 7 will do that to you. Especially when in the last year I missed a lot of time even when I was working. I have probably been living off of 60% of my full income over the last year. Maybe even less.

I'm frustrated because now I've got to find ways to pay off that debt that I'm getting back into, and sadly this job doesn't pay me that well so it's going to take awhile. I am trying to find a second job in the mean time so that I can get it paid off but it's proving impossible because a) there's not a lot out there that I can get to fast enough after I'm done work here... most of them seem to start around 4 or 5 and I get off at 4:30 but if it's not close enough to where I am now it makes it impossible to be there by 5... and b) my outlook at home isn't working because all of my word programs are expired yadda yadda and I don't know how to fix it and I can't respond to e-mails through craigslist without outlook and 99% of the employers posting jobs don't post contact information, just a hidden link to respond to.

It's frustrating basically. I've had a million things to do lately, things I have to buy. I had to buy new work clothes for this job since I didn't have any. I had to pay for the IUD which was 344 bucks, I had to pay for all the internet which was another 168 (over the course of the last year.) ... I've got car insurance and rent, gas and food. I've got my friends wedding coming up as well so there'll be a gift for her there. It's just ridiculous. My food budget is lower than what I actually need it to be. I've tried my best to stick to it in the past but it's still quite low. It will buy me enough food, however there's extra things that don't really fit into that budget as well as I thought they would... IE razor blades, feminine products, makeup when you need it etc. It's all an added expense so it's just damn frustrating. And don't even get me started on the amount I've spent on prescriptions in the last year... prescriptions that aren't covered under medical because it's all been birth control. I might as well have flushed 200 bucks down the toilet since that's about what I've spent on prescriptions that don't work that I've had to stop taking and throw away. Fucking awesome that is.

It's hard explaining to people that when you live on your own there's always expenses unaccounted for that you're going to run into. Anyone who's lived entirely on their own before will understand this. Living as a couple makes things a lot easier because you start sharing the expenses at hand. I mean sure you have a mortgage etc, but it's better paying money to something you own than 450 bucks a month for someone else to put down on their mortgage.

I've been entirely overwhelmed with thoughts of money and money problems lately. I went an entire month without being paid anything at all, which in reality sets me back at least 1400 dollars. And when you start getting set backs like that, guess where it goes? Yep straight to credit.

I should sit down with a financial advisor and figure out an appropriate budget for my current income. I've always said that it's stupid that people need financial advisors but really, it's not at all. There's a lot of things that people forget to incorporate into their budgets -- like I said before, razor blades, weddings, etc.

So yeah, I'm following suit with Keira here -- Don't be offended if I say no to doing things for the next while. I am in the financial shitter and until I get myself out of it I need to be more of a hermit.

It's going to be difficult since it's summer, but yeah. I figure if I tell you all my situation, then I don't doubt everyone will understand it. The hardest part about budgeting is saying 'hey sorry can't do that I'm too broke.' ... at least it is for me. It's a pride thing I suppose. So now that that is out of the way maybe I can start getting back on track.