Welcome to the Crazy

It's finally Sunday and I was able to get some much needed sleep. For some reason throughout the last week I've had trouble falling asleep and staying asleep. My bedtimes have turned into 1am bedtimes and I'm waking up at least 3-5 times a night. Needless to say I'm getting more and more tired.

It might possibly just be from nerves and stress etc. On Monday Dario and I talked and decided we would meet up for a drink on the Thursday. I'm not going to lie, I was quite nervous about it all. I didn't think anything bad was going to happen but I still wasn't sure how things would go and if it would be awkward or not.

Thankfully everything went just fine. It wasn't uncomfortable and we talked a lot about some things that needed to be talked about, and then talked a lot about what we've been up to these last few months. I'm thankful that we were able to do this because now we can slowly start working on being in the same room at the same time. There is an event coming up in November that both him and I will be going to so out of respect for eachother and for the rest of the group we will be with we decided the best thing we could do would be to meet and get that first initial awkwardness out of the way.

Last night was Dario's sisters birthday so of course him and I were both there for that so I guess Thursdays meeting was a good thing! haha. I found it much less awkward when we were in a group of people but if we were left by ourselves for a bit then it was a little bit strange at first. You feel like you should be saying something to one another, but you don't really have anything to say. But, so long as there's a few other people there then it's all just fine and I think everything will continue to get easier.

I have noticed some small changes and some big changes in both him and I and I'm finding it easier to realize now where our indifferences were and why we had some of the problems we had. It's a nice feeling and it definitely gives me a lot of closure.

My weekend didn't consist of too much. I made a decision that I wanted a weekend where I didn't feel like a bag of shit when I woke up so on Friday I didn't go out. I planned on sitting at home all night and maybe making some new cd's until I finally decided that spending money on an ipod was definitely something worth doing. I've debated getting one for the last month and a half so I'm glad I finally did that. So I stayed up until 1 syncing everything and loading my music into my itunes and deleting stuff I know I'll never listen to.

I had to get up at 5am to go to work the next day so I didn't get much sleep as per usual. I went out to the shop and put in my 8 hours. However, every Friday and Saturday at the shop is usually a beer Friday or beer Saturday so naturally I stayed for a couple beers. One of the guys we work with likes to make his own beer, moonshine, and I think "scotch." Although Chad will argue that it's not called scotch because it's not made in Scotland, so whatever the equivalent name for it would be is what it is.

The "scotch" -- not so good. He makes a mean moonshine but that's something you don't exactly sit around and drink after work unless you plan on not making it home that night. The beer however was awesome. It was a raspberry honey beer and it's 7%. I'm not even much of a beer drinker but this stuff was very tasty. It's almost like a rickards white but better.

My problem is that beer for some reason seems to get me drunk faster than any other kind of booze. I could sit there and drink gin and tonics all night and I'll be drunk, but not as drunk as I would be if I have say 4-5 beers. It's really really weird. So of course after 3 beers there I was ready for a friggen nap. I made my way home and straight into my bed. Thankfully people texted in that time so I woke up to my phone because apparently our breaker tripped and the whole downstairs and part of the upstairs had no power. AKA no alarm clock.

After a 3 hour nap I got up and started getting ready to go out for Tania's birthday. It was at the foggy dew. The security guard didn't seem to take much of a liking to me since I ended up saying something that was a bit of a touchy subject. The security there has gone way up since the last time I went there about a year ago. I made a "joke" which apparently wasn't a joke at all, because the second I said "wow you guys are thourough, what did somebody get stabbed or something? har har har" he immediately responded with "actually yes," with a complete straight face. I didn't even really know what to say to that other than "oh." Talk about feeling like an asshole.

Of course it was the usual gong show once you get inside. There seemed to be quite a few older people there this time around but the creeps were still out in full force. There was one guy that I had taken a particular interest in as he was quite cute, but then he opened his mouth and all hope was lost. He also danced the entire night, which I'm sorry but that's just too feminine for my liking.

That seems like a weird request but I like guys that are manly men. Initially that's why I found him attractive, cause he was a big guy and very tall. However, he went from "cute" to "douchebag" in about 2.5 seconds flat.

I think it will be interesting to see how this "meeting new people" stuff goes. I've always gone for men in construction. There's good reason for this, and here's my reasoning. I can't date someone who's girlier than I am. I am not a small girl therefor I need someone big so I feel small next to them. I've never done a very feminine line of work up until this year so I need someone who can compete with that a bit and knows more than I do about it so that yet again I can still feel like a girl. It also gives me some common ground which I think is important.

Also, I just love dirty scruffy big men, particularly when they wear carhartts.

Today I'm just going to hang out and do absolutely nothing. Actually that's a lie, I will probably do some laundry since I have to but short of that I will do nothing. I'm going to watch Matilda today. I noticed that Ashley has it and I haven't seen it since I was a kid. I'm curious to see if it really is as good as I remember it being or if this will just forever ruin things for me.

Mark and I were at the candy store last week and we saw all these candies we used to eat when we were kids, one being the candies that are exactly like candy canes but are straight not curved. You can get them in all sorts of flavours like watermelon, sour apple, bubblegum etc etc. I used to always get them from a store in FSJ called "Scuttlebutt" so of course when I saw them I just had to try them again.

It forever ruined my good memory of them. They are NOT as good when you're 22 as they were when you were 7-10.

I have one week until school starts.

Matt Good - On Nights Like Tonight.