Will You Be My Man-Friend?

Apparently girls cannot be friends with any guy without people assuming that something is going on between the two of you, or without asking why you're not dating.

As most of my friends know, I have a very close guy friend named Mark. We have known eachother for going on 7 years now, and it never fails that almost every time we hang out someone assumes we're dating.

This doesn't just go for him though, oh no. I went car shopping with Rat on Saturday and everyone assumed that because I was with him that we were together and that WE were looking for a car. Yeah no. At one point one of the salesmen kept going on about how we could go over to the pub for lunch so that Rat could have lunch with "his lady" (me) while he waited for his boss to come back so he could get a price on a car Rat was looking at. Everytime he called me Rats "lady" I started to laugh, when finally he asked "how come every time I say that you laugh?" and I told him "because I'm not his lady but I feel as though I would be rude to correct you, so I let it slide and laugh in hopes that you'll figure it out."

So we ended up laughing, shrugging it off and finally getting that awkwardness out of the way.

However with Mark, it's always different. It's always worse.

For example, my mom asked why him and I don't date. As well as my EX BOYFRIEND even asked why him and I don't date.

This in itself is awkward for numerous reasons in which I will share. There is major history behind us so I will elaborate.

Mark and I met through my friend Andrea, they were neighbours and Andrea wanted me to meet him because he was funny and she knew we would get along... whether those were her real intentions - I'll never know. But none the less, Mark and I did get along and quickly became friends.

As time went on (and don't ask how this even happens because it never once came up) I came to realize that Mark was actually BEST FRIENDS with my boyfriend at the time. Seriously don't know how that never came up. It took a few months I think before we realized it. We just never put two and two together I guess.

Over the next couple of years I naturally spent a lot of time hanging out with Mark, especially because he was friends with my boyfriend. However, oddly enough, even after Brett and I broke up Mark and I kept talking and hanging out. He was particularly supportive and NOT in a "I'm going to try to pick her up now" kind of way. Not once has Mark EVER tried to put a move on me nor has he ever given me the impression that he sees me more than anything other than a friend.

Mark ended up moving to Burnaby, but before that he lived in Prince George. Where as I stayed in Fort St. James for another couple years before finally moving to Vancouver. My decision to move to Vancouver was a very impulsive decision which yes involved dating Dario.

When I was looking for a place I decided that I would move somewhere relatively close to Dario so there wasn't a long commute for either of us when we wanted to see eachother. Oddly enough, I ended up finding a place that happened to be close to both Dario and Mark. It was great because now I had two people that could show me around. Mark was the only other person I knew here at the time as well.

This being the case, Mark usually comes over for dinner every now and again or to play games or watch movies, or I'll go over there, or we meet at the pub by our place to sit around and bullshit. We do costco trips every once in awhile, usually end up at dairy queen nearly every time we have a "sit around and eat while watching tv" night... and randomly end up making fun of everything and anything.

Yes, almost everything we do involves making fun of other people/things and eating.

Given this sort of history, when you are STRICTLY friends with someone for 7 years, it would be impossible for me to see Mark any other way than just my friend. He also feels the same way (this came up for discussion last night.)

And here's why:

Mark is a pretty good looking guy. He is very sweet, makes me laugh, and I know that Mark is good to his girlfriends. He would be a good boyfriend/husband I'm sure. So what's the catch?

The catch is... If I ever saw his penis, I would never be able to look at him with a straight face again.

That's all it comes down to. Sexually, there could never be anything between us. Nothing even close to it.

My friend Jeremy once tried to pick up a friend of his and he was feeling her boobs, and she started laughing. When he asked "What?" She responded with "It's like my closest girlfriend is feeling my boobs."

That's all I can compare it to. It would be awkward in every sense of the word.

We've been friends for 7 years, I dated someone he was best friends with for four years... it's just fucking weird.

Straight up. Weird.

Him and I discussed that we feel the need to make a big joke out of this. That maybe we'll take some pictures of us looking at eachother all boyfriendish/girlfriendish just to get a rise out of people and respond with "What? Two people can't look at eachother without dating?"

There's really nothing else we can do but laugh about it. People who know us know the situation, but definitely anyone who doesn't know us all that well ends up asking questions. It's always going to be like that though, as long as we're friends people will ask questions... but I wish there was an easier way to explain it to people without having to explain EVERYTHING. Most people don't settle for a "oh we're just friends."

Suggestions would be great.