It's The Best Thing That You've Ever Had

It's time for a 2 month update since we're nearly there.

There are some major changes coming about and overall I feel very good about things. I have finally picked up my wedding dress from the store. That was an interesting adventure in itself. First off, when you're picking up your dress they like to bring it out, hang it from a hook while they do all the paperwork, giving other women in the store a chance to ooh and ahh over it and only after all that do they finally put it in a black bag.

I can't express how awkward it is to stand in a wedding dress store when you aren't getting married, let alone after your wedding has been cancelled. The woman that sold me the dress came out to ask me if I needed help but I was already being helped. She didn't recognize me at all thankfully. I just couldn't deal with that situation comfortably that's for sure.

After getting all the information on my dress, they bagged it up for me and I walked out of the store with a dress that weighs 10lbs or more and a sigh of relief that the worst was over. Or so I thought.

Of course though leave it to my luck that this would be the day I would run into someone I know. I never run into people I know here, but of course the one fucking time I have to run into someone, it happens to be when I'm carting a frickin wedding dress down the street. Awesome. It was Chad's friend Demis.

Demis was with this other girl he was going to school with and she of course says to me "OH MY GOOOODD IS THAT A WEDDING DRESS?!!?!" ...

I didn't even know what to say so I just shook my head in awkwardness and was like "uhhmm, no... well... yes... but uh... yeah, just no."

Finally Demis piped up and was like "they broke up." I actually appreciated that he had said that because it meant that I didn't have to try to explain much else. Of course though seeing as how I haven't seen Demis since before Dario and I were engaged there were still many things to discuss so I gave a quick explanation of what happened and then went on to discuss other things.

Thankfully though the situation ended quickly and I hurried back to my car and started to drive home.

On my drive home I remembered that I had a scrapbooking punch in my purse that I was SUPPOSED to give Danielle at my birthday to give back to Dario's mom... but I forgot all about it so I decided I would just go drop it off.

I debated what the right thing to do was. I wasn't sure if I should just slip it in the mail box and leave, or if I should actually just knock on the door and give it to her. I decided that I might as well just give it to her. She invited me in and we ended up talking for a couple of hours. It was strange sitting in the kitchen at the table I've so many times sat at with them and knowing that it was different now. All the while though it was really nice to talk with her about everything. She's been very worried about me so I hope that after having talked to me she will be able to feel a little better about how I'm doing.

I didn't realize how long we'd been talking for until we heard a noise in the basement and realized Dario's dad was home. I was actually worried about that because Dario mentioned to me that his dad was really uncomfortable about everything and said he wouldn't want to run into me again. But surprisingly enough his dad smiled and asked how I was doing. We talked for a little bit, didn't have much left to say really, and then I left.

Saturday I worked at the shop for 8 hours and it felt great to be there. I missed everyone more than I realized, but I also missed the work. I felt awesome when I got home. I was tired but it was a good tired. My muscles were sore because I haven't done any heavy lifting like that in about 6 months, but thankfully I didn't have any cramping or lower back pain which was a huge relief. My boss and I talked and we agreed that I would like to come back to work but there is no point quitting my job at the office until we know for sure if there will be full time work available for me there. They are incredibly busy right now but these jobs are expected to be finished mid October and they have nothing after that. They've got lots of bids going on so if they get a few of those then I will be able to go back full time. In the meantime I will be working overtime for them on Saturdays (and maybe Sundays if they need me) until school starts. The extra cash will be nice.

On Saturday night I went to mass. I went two weekends before that as well. I missed my birthday weekend as I had company etc but I will continue to go when possible. Even though I am not catholic or any other religion for that matter, I have always enjoyed listening to Father Mark's masses. The first time I went back by myself was a pretty big deal for me. I was in a place I didn't really belong, yet I felt so comfortable there. On Saturday when I went again I felt the same thing. I just feel at peace when I'm in a church, it's a very nice feeling for me and I'm realizing that it's something I like to do. I've chosen to stay going to Dario's church because I like the priest and it feels right to me.

On Sunday I spent my day cooking and baking and playing guitar.

The person I am finding through this all has taken me by surprise. Not only am I discovering a new me, but I'm re-discovering parts of the old me. My old friends are still there and I'm rebuilding those relationships and I'm working on new relationships. It's just been awesome all around. This month could not have been better.

Radiohead-High and Dry