Decisions Decisions

Naturally I am an indecisive person. Because of that I have a very difficult time putting my focus on one particular thing. Sometimes those things are really stupid things, like trying to decide what I want off the menu when I go out. I usually really want two things and there's been many times where I will just order half sizes of both because I can't make up my mind. Or I will make everyone else order before me so that I feel pressured to make a decision faster and then blurt something out and hope it's what I actually want.

However, sometimes the things I am indecisive about happen to be very important decisions. Decisions that require a lot of humming and hawing. I think a lot about things before I finally make a choice but then sometimes I make really sudden decisions that I should have thought about but didn't.

It makes things really complicated sometimes. I'm famous for weighing out the pros and cons.

Obviously there have been some MAJOR changes in the last few months. Life altering changes that make you kind of stand back and say, "Holy shit I've done all of that in the last 4 months?"

Sadly I feel like I'm doing it again.

Today, due to the fact that I can't go into work as I'm starting to get a cold, I decided I was going to go pick up my wedding dress so I can try to sell it. I got about 3/4's of the way there, which coincidentally is about half way to the shop I used to work at. For the last couple of months one of the guys has been hounding me to come and visit, and unfortunately due to the hours I work at my new job I haven't been able to.

I decided at the last minute that I would call the shop, see if the guys wanted to go get a beer and head out there. Simon couldn't because he had a hockey game with his daughter tonight, but my two bosses said they'd love to so I bailed on the wedding dress and drove out to Delta. I stopped in at the shop to say hi to everyone and see what they were working on and as usual everyone asked me when I was coming back. They've all been wanting me to come back and have asked me many times now, and each time I respond with "I don't know, I might not be coming back."

Today I walked in there to find that they are working on some stuff for the new Port Mann Bridge. It was the strangest feeling but I instantly became overwhelmed with jealousy and felt like I was missing out. Jealousy because it's a cool fucking project to work on and be a part of. Not too many people can stand back and say "yeah I helped build that bridge you drive over every day that's going to be there for the next 100+ years."

It's true. I miss the shop very much. I miss the guys there, I miss the work, I miss feeling that sense of accomplishment at the end of every day. I miss learning things and challenging myself. I miss the atmosphere, the jokes. I just miss everything about it.

Lately I've definitely noticed a drop in my motivation. I don't like being in limbo and I really hate doing things that aren't challenging. Lets face it, office work is not challenging. At least not this particular job. I sit at a desk, screw around on the internet here and there, code files and put stuff away, and occasionally do other odd jobs as well. Never anything that involves thinking though.

I feel like I'm getting more and more stupid with every passing minute.

I was asked over and over again today, "When are you coming back?" ... even my bosses asked me if I could come back.

For now I've offered to help out on weekends if they need me to because this is obviously something I really have to think about.

So I'm going to make a list of pros and cons for each job.

Pros for the shop:

- The pay is MUCH higher (about 7 bucks an hour more) therefor deleting debt faster
- Full benefits
- I love the work
- It's a good crew to work with
- I fit in there and am very comfortable with the atmosphere
- I learn something new every day
- I am good at it
- I'm halfway through an apprenticeship and am CWB certified for welding
- I would get home earlier
- It's challenging
- It gives me tools that I can use for the rest of my life, for things like renovations around the house etc
- It's a trade and trade's are always good to have
- Gives me plenty of exercise throughout the day
- Doesn't involve spending far too much of my time on a stupid computer
- Major sense of accomplishment at the end of every day. You can SEE what you've done
- It's flexible, holidays are never an issue unless we're incredibly busy

Cons of the shop:

- It's a longer commute
- It's hard on the body (particularly the back)
- Consequently getting home earlier means getting up earlier (4:45am)
- Dirty nails and a dirty face are a daily occurrence
- Can be dangerous + involves toxins (though wearing a respirator can prevent a lot of that)
- Burns on the hands, arms, neck, chest, stomach, legs, etc etc. Basically everywhere on the body (Most can be prevented but some small burns will happen on a regular basis)
- Dependent on the rise and fall of the economy

Pros of the office:

- Full benefits
- Easy work, not hard on the body
- Safer
- I work with nice people although I don't really know any of them too well
- There is potential to be promoted
- 8 hour days with 1 hour lunches
- Close to home
- Later mornings so I can sleep in a bit
- Relatively flexible
- Consistent work no matter what the economy is like

Cons of the office:

- Those promotions can take years, which I won't be there for
- Doesn't pay nearly as much as I need/would like
- It's boring
- Mindless work that benefits me in no possible way
- Not much physical work so I'm getting fat and lazy
- Involves more time on the computer than I like
- I have to put makeup on daily and look decent/presentable, consequently I spend more money on clothes
- I don't get home until 5
- Can't be 100% myself
- There is no sense of accomplishment at the end of my day


Sigh... I don't know. The cons to the shop job are obviously bad ones compared to everything else, but at the same time it feels like the pro's outweigh it all.

Bottom line is I'd be making much more money which = less stress. Things with my body have been going significantly well since the surgery, and as long as I see a chiropractor (which I really should be doing right now regardless of what job I'm doing) then I shouldn't have anymore issues.

I don't know. In the mean time they need help on weekends so if they work some Saturday's I'll go in and help fab some shit up and help with the welding. It's been so long since I've done all of that stuff. I guess I'll take some time to think about it for now.

Either job isn't going to be a permanent position and come April I'll be graduating and ready to start an actual career... so the thought that keeps plaguing me is "both jobs have downsides, you'll have to suck it up and push through either job, but one pays you more and has a lot more to offer."