New Hair, New Person

Where to even begin??

First off, I will say that I made a good choice by getting a haircut yesterday because at least that gives me something to be happy about for the time being. It probably sounds weird that haircuts/dye jobs can make me that happy, but to me there's no better picker-upper than a good haircut. There is also nothing that ruins your day more than a bad haircut. So really it works either way, but I had something done that I love and makes me feel good about myself. Haircut for the win! Some girls like to eat themselves happy, some girls like to shop, I like to get my hair chopped off.

I always feel the need to mark the beginning of new things by getting a haircut or changing my hair colour. When spring comes I usually do both.

This times haircut was for many reasons. One was because the ends of my hair were totally fried, two was because it was getting too thick and bulky to do anything with, but most importantly my third reason was to do something that drastically changed my appearance.

That leads to my next section. I knew that today I would have my doctors appointment. I have this weird thing where it's like "new hair new person" ... I do think it's true that when you feel good about yourself it changes your perspective on a lot of things and just overall makes you a more confident person.

I needed that confidence and picker-upper so that I could try to figure out how I'm going to get through these next few months with a better attitude/outlook on things.

My doctors appointment did not go as well as I would have hoped. I had a different doctor this time. I got the girl who I was originally referred to. She is a good doctor, but she's a little older. She's been doing this for a long time and my personal opinion on older doctors is that they've heard it all so they don't take the time to listen. This turned out to be the exact case today.

She came in and told me all of my blood tests were fine so there are no signs of bleeding disorders. I figured that would be the case since I've told them that while the pill helps with bleeding problems, it doesn't help with the pain problems.

I didn't know where to start, but she did. So she asked how my latest birth control pill was working out for me. I told her that it was not doing a good job of the "3 months without the nasty P. word." I told her it did help with a couple of things, I'm still getting pain throughout the month and during those "times" but that some of the painful spots weren't effecting me as much.

She told me to completely go off this pill for 5 days, and to start a new one that she was prescribing me. This frustrated me beyond belief because honestly, I am so fucking sick of birth control methods it's not even funny. I am now going to be trying "Yaz" ... you have probably seen the commercials on TV. It's got a bunch of girls dancing around because they're having happy periods. Yes the commercial that makes me want to shoot myself everytime I see it. THAT commercial.

Instead of the usual 21 hormone pills and 7 sugar pills, this ones different. It has 24 hormone pills and 4 sugar pills. It is a low estrogen pill and high progestin. She wants me to try this for 3 months and I will go back to having the nasty P. every month. Then she told me if it doesn't work that we would consider the depo shot but that she doesn't like to give women that cause it usually makes you gain about 15lbs in a year. The other side effect of it that is proven is you lose bone density, making you more prone to osteoperosis in your older years. AAAAWESOME.

She started to talk about holding off on a laparoscopy because again it's a procedure you don't want to have to go through if you don't have to. I won't lie that I almost started to cry.

By this point I still hadn't been able to say anything or ask any questions because she wasn't giving me the opportunity to do so. She got up and left the room for a minute to go get me a sample pack of the new pill. She had a student with her for the appointment and she had stayed in the room with me. She must have noticed that I was looking a little upset because she goes "I know it's hard isn't it?" and all I could say was "I'm just frustrated."

When the doctor came back she went off some more to explain the new pill and finally I had to interupt. I asked her if this didn't work how long it would be before I would be able to finally get an answer. I think it took her a bit by surprise but she went on to answer the question. She told me three months of this, and if it didn't work then she would consider booking me for a laparoscopy about 3 months later. That means it would add another 6 months to this crap and I just cannot financially afford to keep dealing with this. I need an answer so I know what sort of direction I need to take with my job.

I started to explain the situation to her and that I was not working at this time. I told her that I can't even make it a full week to work because the pain gets so bad that I need to rest every few days. I explained a few of the things I do at work and the feelings it causes, and the frustration and stress it causes me, Dario, and my bosses. I also explained that I have ONE spot in particular that is always the first to hurt and is usually the most painful spot. Right where my right ovary is, I get intense sharp shooting pains quite often, but in particular directly related with my cycle.

Finally she sat down to listen a bit more and said that often a back injury can cause pelvic pain but when I mentioned the pain on the right ovary it could mean that I have a lesion there that is cronically being pulled/torn and bleeding. Finally she said now she was thinking that a laparoscopy was definitely necessary so that they can determine if it's in fact endometriosis or a back injury. That way if she goes in and finds nothing we know that it may be something caused by my back.

I went on to tell her that I had started to see a chiropractor because while I do have back problems I wanted to make sure that the two don't have anything to do with eachother. I don't disagree that back injuries can cause pelvic pain, however some of the pain I am feeling is strictly in relation to endometriosis and not to a back injury. The back problems could intensify the pain I am feeling, but that endometriosis could still be the main issue at hand. Also I've been feeling this pain a long time before I injured my back.

She finally advised that changing careers at this point should be something I start considering because regardless of whether or not it's to do with my yute or my back it would be beneficial for either possible problem.

We agreed that I would try this new pill, and continue to go to the chiropractor, but that we would book surgery now so that I can get in faster. I am scheduled for surgery June 22nd, and should this birth control and a change in career and a chircopractor solve the issues at hand then I can cancel the surgery. She sent me on my way to the receptionist to book the surgery and fill out some paper work, then I was given a pamphlet to read and I was on my way.

I guess it's a hard pill to swallow. I don't know where to start at this point. I feel that I should try to find a job now and once I actually have one, I will tell my bosses. That way I can stay on EI until I am working again.

I'm still equally frustrated because I felt rushed and some of the things I've wanted to ask I never got to because I wasn't given that chance to think before I started to get upset. Once I get upset my mind starts to wander and I forget all the simple things I wanted to say/ask. I even forgot to ask for a doctors note. The last appointment I had I felt a lot better when I left, this appointment, not so much. I'm just irritated by the impression she gave off but also by the position it leaves me in. Last time I felt like I was getting somewhere, and this time I feel more like I'm back taking a lot of steps backwards. Back to another birth control and onto a chiropractor that will end up costing quite a bit of money if I have to keep going for the next few months, just basically back to medications and treatments that aren't covered under a medical plan. I can't claim birth control, and I can only claim 2 chiropractor visits, the rest comes directly out of my pocket.

Add to that having to find a new job and quitting the old one and blah blah blah, and it just feels like anytime I take one step forward I take three steps back. I suppose I should be happy that at least I have the surgery booked so if this shit doesn't work this time I can finally get it done.

3 months of birth control at a time, 6 times. That's 18 months of waiting right there just for the trial period, add on another 6 months since two of those pills I stayed on for 6 months each, and another for 2 years. So 4 years of trying different birth controls. Then I add in the two year break I took from birth controls and trying things like mefenamic acid and other pain killers/anti inflammatories. This is the 6th fucking year of this.

BUT... I have a new haircut, I will be eventually starting a new job, and heading down a new path, so... therefor new haircut DOES equal new person.

This yaz crap better make me dance like those bitches on the commercials.